I was reading in another threat you need to come to terms with the things that have happened. How? I am guilty and only have myself to blame. I should have seen the warning signs and done something. I am at fault for the things that happened. Thats how I see it. What have you done to come to terms with what happened? I see a T once a week, she had me wright out what happened and read it to her. It was horrible and I threw up 3 times at work after that. I don't see myself as letting go.
Any advice?

I felt the same for a while with my last boss, he is an emotional abuser and I'm told he is a psychopath. What helped initially was reading a book about what I went through. The book showed that people in my situation rationalize the signs away, and that I was being deliberately deceived to mask his abusive and manipulative actions.

I'm not sure what you experienced, but perhaps there's some literature on it that would help you understand it better.

Hi Cypher, I don't understand how it's your fault if you didn't see it coming. Who thinks you should have seen it coming or the warning signs.

If I seen everything that was coming my way I would be inhuman. I'm sorry maybe you could explain in more detail how you could have seen the warning signs so I can figure out what you are saying?

Tammy

I read this in another thread, but I cant find it now. Basically, you cant change what has happened, no matter how you beat your self up. How it could be your fault, I dont understand, but if it is your reaction your regretting, remember you are human and will sometimes react poorly. What would you do differently? Is there a way to do something now that would make a positive change in your life? For example, and I know this is simplistic so forgive me, but say you littered yesterday and felt bad. You could go pick up litter for your community.
If it is nothing you could have changed or done differently, and it is in the past, you might just have to accept it for what it was. Yes we all have responsibilty in our actions, but if you did nothing to cause it, there might not be anythingg you can do to change or better it. Have you told your T about the guilt you feel is yours? Not just what happened (I feel for your reaction to talking about it), but your taking the guilt as yours?

Thats a good idea, Ill see if there's a book or something, ask T.

I think I'm the one who should have seen it coming therefore it's all my fault. I did nothing to prevent the things that happened, I didnt see it coming, but had some warning signs. I did'nt know it would escalate to the extreme it did.

Yeah, last week my T had me read to her what happened and it sucked bad. She does know I feel guilty/responsible for what happened. She tried to tell me how I was'nt, but I did'nt listen very well. I think somewhere deep in me I know there was nothing I could do, but don't accept it. I don't think I could have done anything diffrently but be more aware or looke more closely at things - but there's no way I could have known. Can't accept it though.

Thanks for the posts

Cyper, lets use you as an example for others shall we? Tell me, what is your trauma and how is that trauma your fault in your eyes?

It's many things that happened over the past 6 or 7 months. I'm not sure about what to say w/o going into to much detail. If you want to know more that's fine. But long story short, some people came over to stay and at first few days or weeks were somewhat ok, but eventually got worse and worse. I had no idea as to the extreme it would get to. It did'nt just happen the first night they were there, I saw their behavor change over a bit of time and what happened I believe is my own fault. I don't think I'll ever get over that or forgive myself for it.

I think Anthony wants you to type a detailed description of what happened from start to finish. If not, that is what I was wanting you to do so I can figure out what is going on.

Your comments are too vague. In order for me or anyone else to help you understand this we have to understand what happened, and where your thinking may or may not be flawed, with regard to this trauma being your fault.

Take care
Tammy

Hi Cypher... yes you need to give me the details... I will show you that talking about it by itself will do nothing, and will demonstrate to you and others who need to know what to do with their trauma when written, how to do it and what to look for. This can just be an easy learning guide for you and others if you like, but I do need to know details in order to help you and others in how to achieve the end aim.

can i put it in the trauma diary private or members section, i'm not very comfortable with all that went on.