Thanks for the posts, brings up things I'll need to look into with my T furthur. and thanks for the support everyone! This has been very helpful! Thanks

Woww!!! I may be wrong, but it seems to me that you are way too hard on yourself... I don't get it. It is not your fault and coming to terms with what happened is not about blaming yourself. You should be easier on yourself. But that is only what I think!

Your doing extremely well here Cypher, and the best thing you did was start this process and now you have taken it into therapy. This is exactly what this forum does... gets you to air things out, get you past the initial fear, then get talking about it here, therapy, wherever required providing your getting good feedback and being pushed along the right paths to help yourself find the answers that best suit you.

Well done... Baby steps... that's all it takes. Two steps forward, one step back, is better than no steps forward.

Well done Cypher! You should be very proud of yourself. Not only did you work through this in public, but carried it over to therapy. Excellent work.

bec

Thanks for the replies everyone! Today I had a very good (though a rough) session with my T. We talked about responsibility and I hope I'm begining to understand that we all own our own actions. I still find alot of fault/guilt in myself, but I think we're working closer to something more realistic in terms of the responsibility factor. Again, thanks for all the replies, they bring things up that I had not thought about, or something I could bring up next week, etc... Thanks!

As I said I would use this as a learning principle for those who face the same issues.... and this result above is exactly the idea of being pushed as I did with cypher in the first place... to get a boot in the arse with honest answers so you begin doing the hard work yourself in therapy... that is the idea. Therapy is not meant to be a playground...

Well done cypher... your doing exactly as this technique is designed... age old, therapists use it all the time; just most don't really still a good hard swift kick in the arse to reality within it... hard, but needed when dealing with such trauma.

The exact idea of taking an already proven technique and simply adding a tougher approach is because trauma has damaged so much self esteem, so much of your brains commonsense functioning... so the only way to budge a person is to kick them off their perch basically speaking... so once off and running they control the further approach themselves with a good therapist who is willing to take what they have done and run with it to the end.

Thanks Anthony! Shes having me read what I wrote every day and make notes of how/what I'm feeling in the present in terms of the responsibility, trying to see things as realistically as I can and we'll review it next week. At some parts I have multiple faults (myself and my mom, her boyfriend) at others, single faults. Working on it. I agree, some things you just need a good, quality kick in the ass to get you going.

Again, thanks for the posts. Everyone have a great one!

Cyper... really great to hear your feedback. Honestly, it will take you a good month or two of solid telling yourself your new reality on who owns what before it begins to stick in your brain as the "new normal" for you, but that is scientifically just a fact that it takes the brain 30 days (i think it is) from start to finish for your brain to change a learnt habit.

Really well done that you are pushing through this with your therapist; even better that you have a good therapist that is continuing to now push you on this and work through it, not around it or avoid it. Really positive news and the end result is your success... that is the aim.