I know for me that this question runs into all the secondary wounding I have received over the years. I was considered to be crazy by the entire community I lived in, along with most of my family. I was alienated often due to the way I reacted or didn't react to certain events. Just having someone understand that I have a disorder that accounts for these reactions means the world to me. All of my close friends whole-heartedly understands. My family tried their best. Mostly they have just come to accept there is something wrong with me and I'm getting help. Good enough.

Also being understood means that you are being heard. I think many of us have lost our voice due to abuse. Getting that voice back is a very powerful thing.

bec

I believe that it is human nature to want to be loved, accepted, included and believed by those people whose opinions we value. Nobody enjoys being excluded by a majority group, rejected or 'different'.

Although some people do live lives that can appear that they want to be separatists, inside, they want their views and experiences to be understood.

Good point, bec. Perhaps that's where a lot of the pain comes from?

That sounds nice. However I've only ever felt that way with others who have gone through the same things. I'm not sure why...

I find it important to be understood because it validates my reactions and feelings associated with certian aspects of living a life the best way I can.

When I read others on this forum experiencing similar feelings I don't feel so abnormal or out of sinc. It helps me to accept who I am at the time and what I respond to differently than others because of the PTSD. When I respond differently to events I question myself and start to attack myself for being inept. Normal events can put me into a tailspin.

When others confirm they also respond in this way I relax and am not as hard on myself. It helps me to keep a clear perspective on what PTSD can effect and to change my personal expectations.

When others do not understand or choose not to try to understand it is a clear message to me that there are limits on that relationship. When others respect my boundaries I feel supported and can persue a fuller relationship with them.

Being understood or not is a clear indicator to me about the level of relationship I can have with that person and a measure of my own perception of what my needs are with regards to functioning in daily living challenges.

Great insight Cindy. After reading your post I can see the truth in it. I can see where understanding weighs heavily in what type of relationship I have with people. Thanks for that.

bec

I know this is a different tangent but may I say that I think sometimes a PTSD suffer (especially one recently diagnosed) doesn't really understand what they are going through and struggle to make sense of themselves. With that said, it would then be difficult for the Sufferer to verbalise what they are going through in a manner which would make sense to someone.

Sometimes I see people 'not wanting to understand' things they are frightened of or that which seems too difficult. I also wonder if 'won't listen' can also be a case of 'not wanting to know'. As a carer I find it difficult to find someone who can understand what I go through when Anthony is ill and my friends can shy away just due to ignorance. They have no vested interest in understanding PTSD whereas I do. This then leads me to what Moog said about that person needing to be "someone important". It's a bit like having a friend who has an interest in motorbikes. They may want to talk to me about the motorbikes and comparisons etc but as I have little interest, I will be polite and listen as they are my friend but I am sure my mind would wander off as it is not important to me.

Bottom line, I think we all want to feel supported in life, especially when we are not well. I feel for those of you who haven't found a 'someone' to really be there for you.

I know I have not answered Upstream's questions nor can I as I am a Carer but did want to share my thoughts.

Cindy,

That was great insight and something that I think we should always try and remember - PTSD or not, that statement rings true.



Being understood, to me, is fundamentally about experiencing a connection with other people. When there is no "connection", for me, there is only dead space.

Best,
Rachel

There has never been a thread that I've read herer on the forum that caused me to cry until now. Every post, every word and every emotion hit me right between the eyes and expressed what I have been feeling for months now.

Thank you, everyone, for putting "ME" into words. The thread has helped in ways you will never know. At least now I know why these feelings are so strong and then to push me towards resentment and anger, at times.

Again, to repeat myself, Thank You everyone!

Funny really, in that I do not expect people to understand because what I understand that unless you have it, you can not understand it. So this removes any desire I have in the first place or emotion required to go with it. It is like comparing to a person who has been raped vs. not raped. You could not understand the act of rape unless you had been raped. You could empathise with that person, but you could not understand what they feel, the violation or trust components.... just not the same.

So my answer to this is simple; I don't expect another to understand unless they have it.

Good answer and pretty much my take on things. One of the hardest part of adjusting to my PTSD was that I couldn't seem to make my husband understand what was going on no matter how hard I tried. It was a constant source of tension between us for a while. I felt like he just wasn't trying hard enough to understand and didn't really care.

It took my therapist explaining that there was no way for him to understand and to stop beating my head against that particular wall (and my husband's along with mine). I just had to accept that this part of my life was closed to my husband. And it was hard because our whole lives were open to each other. He could empathize and support, but that was as far as he could come in without having to have PTSD himself.

Yeah, it sucks...but that's just the way of it.

Lisa