Marlene and Anthony I see your point and agree with it. Maybe it is the word understand that is the problem with my perception. I think you're right that people without PTSD cannot begin to comprehend the deep emotions and issues involved. I guess this is where I see the word empathy and understand as being confused by me.

I guess what I really wish is for people who care about me to listen to my concerns and be attentive to my responses instead of me always having to either hide them or explain them. I want them to accept them as part of me without challenging or dismissing them, and then just moving off into their own topics or interests to avoid me or my needs.

I don't share with others often but when I am comfortable to do so they don't want to listen, or worse - "just get over it". Few people take the time to just sit and set the time aside to listen. Many are wrapped up in their own lives.

I am reflecting only the experiences I have had with my immediate family.

But, anyway your points are well taken. Thanks.

Hmm, here is the definition of "understand" from dictionary.com:


un·der·stand http://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/luna/thinsp.png
1.to perceive the meaning of; grasp the idea of; comprehend: to understand Spanish; I didn't understand your question.
2.to be thoroughly familiar with; apprehend clearly the character, nature, or subtleties of: to understand a trade.
3.to assign a meaning to; interpret: He understood her suggestion as a complaint.
4.to grasp the significance, implications, or importance of: He does not understand responsibility.
5.to regard as firmly communicated; take as agreed or settled: I understand that you will repay this loan in 30 days.
6.to learn or hear: I understand that you are going out of town.
7.to accept as true; believe: I understand that you are trying to be truthful, but you are wrong.
8.to construe in a particular way: You are to understand the phrase literally.
9.to supply mentally (something that is not expressed). –verb (used without object)
10.to perceive what is meant; grasp the information conveyed: She told them about it in simple words, hoping they would understand.
11.to accept tolerantly or sympathetically: If you can't do it, I'll understand.
12.to have knowledge or background, as on a particular subject: He understands about boats.
13.to have a systematic interpretation or rationale, as in a field or area of knowledge: He can repeat every rule in the book, but he just doesn't understand.



Nowhere does it imply that one must experience to understand. In fact, the definitions seem to communicate that the definition of (to) "understand" means that one learns, acknowledges, accepts, all without having to actually have an experience - to be "open" to the facts or ideas.

I think by believing that everyone who doesn't have PTSD will not understand us is very negative thinking and only furthers the idea that we are isolated from "others".

I have been thinking about this one; I guess the most important person I need to uderstand me is.....yep! You got it, good ole' me! I feel that as I am understanding myself I do not need external validation as much! I used to feel so misunderstood, paticularly in intimate relationships, and my need for validation was unhealthy.

As I uncover the life events that have directed my behaviour's and attitudes, I feel less misunderstood, because I understand why I do some things. Therefore, I tend to look less for external validation in order to ascertain whether how I feel or what I think is correct/rational.

I am understanding me and I am understanding of myself.

Spirit x

I think that is very symbolic, our professional care givers understand and we trust them; so why not family/friends. Someone may not understand our experiences and trauma that caused PTSD because they have not experienced it themselves. But it does not mean that they can not try to understand how PTSD has changed us and what PTSD is, in order to help them change and learn to live with our new lives. Other wise, you isolate yourself from those that just want to help and care for you. Psycho-education amongst family and friends is very important, if they don't understand; they won't be able to live with you and then you will be alone. I've seen many families torn apart by negative isolationist thoughts of someone adapting to life with PTSD.

Hi Upstream, I get it and live it. My view was/is that if my loved one cared enough they would learn all there is to learn about the subject. They would be able to understand me through study and listening, while observing me. When they do not I often felt like I was not being supported or they don't really care. Or are we seen as damaged goods? I think we need to understand ourselves and hope that others we trust will want to do the same. We need an honest support group/structure around us. Let our journey continue.
Be well

Upstream and others- These posts hit me so hard. As the years went by I became convinced that my wife did not understand what had happened to me. My wife bought me a good PTSD work book but when I completed it she did not read it. I felt she often put me in situations where the fears I have would be unreal. My destruction of self esteem and loss of self worth were powerful. I felt that if she did not bother to learn all there is to learn about me than she must not really love me. How could she help if she did not bother to educate herself and understand? I began to see her as part of the problem. Any thoughts?

My thinking on this is as follows.

It isn't that it is so important to us that our family "understand", it is important for us to see that they are trying.

My mother cared enough to try to educate herself about 'the PTSD". What it is. How it affects my life. What to expect in the way of reactions from me. Her efforts to
try to help me, if possible, meant more to me than anything she has done in a long time.

I think it is the effort put forth to understand and care that means the most to us
Knowing they CARE is the key. Feeling like they don't is what hurts us. Just MHO

While your answer is simple sweetheart, I do have days where I do wish I could understand just as I have days where I wish I could take the illness away for you so you would not have to suffer.

Hmm, with me i know i'm always desperate to try and make the person who involves my ptsd understand, however several times i've had lines like "i don't think you have ptsd" "its part of growing up" etc. It drives me mad. I think it angers me so much because (in my case) the person can't ever interperet how it feels.
I think in analysis of myself i want some acceptance that i'm actually having a hard time. A problem for me is that ptsd is "invisible" - others can't see it. The idea of that infuriates me because i'm struggling yet no one can see this. So i suppose in attempted answer to your question(s) maybe its a want of validation for the way we feel.
However i also agree with previous comments of not wanting to feel alone, i think ptsd can be isolating?

I've been thinking about this topic recently and, for me, it's difficult to answer because I dont really understand yet the thoughts that go through my head about what happened. I'm trying to understand the challenges that come along with it. Kinda organize my thoughts and emotions I guess and take some sort of control over them.

But I think what Grama-Herc is saying is right on though. It's important that someone is trying to understand, it shows that they care about you and want to help. At the same time though, I agree with those who dont think shoes can be put on anothers feet (regardless of what it is). If they hav'nt experienced it, how can they know what it's like with the emotion etc... that goes along with it. It's like trying to describe the taste of salt to someone who has never tasted it.

So I guess for me, they will never know what it's like, but if they are trying to care/understand, that's whats important.