Much appreciated Bec. Good points for us to consider. Interesting you find it crossing a line. We do obviously need to discuss it more with Evie once she is ready.

Yep we have considered the legal ramifications of her submitting a statement. She is aware of the possibility of testifying. However. There is some doubt as to whether she could be served or no, as she is no longer a resident of Canada. Uncertain the Canadian government can force her to travel back to Canada to testify whilst she is living overseas. So that matter needs clarification.

And yep very troubling that he is still allowed to work with kids. We want justice for our daughter and the others, as well as no more suffering. Difficult to just walk away from this, regardless Evie's feelings. In any event much appreciated for the input.

Jim.

Perhaps my experience can help Jim as I have been in both situations - one where there was prosecution and one where there was not.

In one situation where I was assaulted I was encouraged by both therapist and the police to press charges. As the police reported the incident they decided, whether I liked it or not, to press charges. Basically, it was on my behalf even though I was petrified of the process and what it would involve. They said they had a duty to the community now that they were aware of the situation. So, I was in a similar situation as Evie however it was the police instead of parents who prosecuted.

It was a horrible ordeal but the thought that held me together through the ordeal was that prosecution could possibly save someone else being in the same situation and possibly a life.

In the other situation, I was sexually assaulted by a superior at work. It was strongly recommended to me at that time that I did not take it outside the organisation as I didn't want to publically embarrass a silly old man who would have lost his superannuation entitlements as they would be forced to fire him. Funnily enough this was even after he admitted to committing the offence.

While the organisation I worked for tried to deal with it in house and there was no prosecution, this situation caused me more long term pain. It was easier not to prosecute short term as I didn't want to go through the humiliation over and over. Afterwards, it ate me up for years and years when I came to the realisation he walked away with a slap on his wrist and I lost my job as I was seen to be the problem as I caused disruption despite him being the one who had offended. I also had to live with what he had did to me feeling there was no justice where at least in the other situation there eventually was some. Nothing can take away the pain and suffering but some peace can be found in knowing you did something about it.

As Evie is a friend I would not want her to suffer any pain and can appreciate her position. After living both sides, my opinion would be for you to go ahead and prosecute Jim. Reality is Evie has suffered and it is not fair for her to suffer any more however by doing something about it you can protect future innocent children from the same terrifying experience. That is something for Evie to be proud about - that she could do something to stop him.

My thoughts only............

I have been in this situation too and don't totally agree with what Bec is saying. While I agree testifying can be "quite the mess" for someone it may not be for all. Testifying petrified me but the prosecutor was very good with me before hand and while in court they were very patient with me when I was a blubbering mess. It ended up being very freeing as you can let go of a "secret" and a "bad thing" which happened to you. By freeing I mean other people agreeing that what was done was wrong and no longer feeling bad in myself for what had been done to me. It was a bit like legal empathy if that makes sense. While our justice systems may not always be the best, it helps being told someone who hurt you was wrong for doing so by something seen to be powerful which represents justice. While family and friends may say the same things it is hard not to think they have a bias

One thing I will add is that I don't have PTSD like Evie so I am not sure how that changes things.

Thank you Nicolette, much appreciated for your thoughts as well. Very interesting to hear your personal experience regarding 2 situations which turned out differently and how you felt. Believe were it me, would feel better sticking up for myself too. More painful to let it slide. Makes perfect sense.

Believe I have an idea how Evie feels about us being involved, though she hasn't told us yet. However. Worry sometimes that she will agree with us - especially myself - just because she loves us. Sometimes my daughter is less than forthcoming with us and more apt to want to please. So. I did wish for the responses of others in any event. Good to hear all sides.

I'm with you Nicolette. Best tackle problems head on. Confront abusers and so forth. However. Strength is needed to do so, also support. And. As you also say, we don't have PTSD. Who knows how badly one feels with PTSD. Might be too much to handle. I don't pretend to know, that's for sure.

Much appreciated once more. Very good thoughts.

Jim.

My duaghter was molested and he got away with it she was 12 when it happened and 17 at trial she is now 26 and a mess although we have tried our best to help her - NO GO....now I am watching her throw her life away and her 2 daughters. So frustrstion is greatly understood. Sometimes you just have to wait.

Welcome to the forum Anewme. Sorry to hear of the troubles with your daughter. Can relate certainly, as I have been through rough times with my daughter as well. She ran away for 5 years - age 17 to 22 - no contact with us during that time. Terrible pain from that. However. She came back to us and is much improved. I wish you all the best with your daughter and welcome once more.

Jim.

Can charges be brought without Evie's testimony, such as on other incidents? That might be something she would like to know, too. I know if I were considering prosecuting, it would depend on whether or not it could be done without me.

There are 2 others willing to testify. However. Evie's experience was more severe than theirs. So. He may get a lesser charge without her testimony.

Jim.

Men like that should rot in hell!

Think my sons and myself would like to give him a taste of hell here on earth. Must say, being back in Canada on a business trip currently, I am having to contain myself. As I now know where he lives.

Jim.