I have come to realise that the old adage, 'you can't truly love another until you love yourself', to be so very true. I know on the surface this seems to be an obvious behaviour to adopt in terms of moving forward to a healthier psyche. It just seems to be a fundamental prerequisite involved in truly coming to place of peace.

However, I am also aware that there are many dynamics wrapped up in enabling 'us' to feel that we can achieve this; I feel that guilt is one of these major components. It holds us back from actualising love for ourselves!

My example, do you feel guilty if you feel postive emotions about yourself, as if you are not entitled too?
Guilty may hold a different meaning for some people? Therefore, it could be that you feel uncomfortable? You do not feel deserving? And, if so is do you feel there is any guilt attached to these emotions?

Do you feel that guilt disables you from reaching this potential sooner rather than later?

Thanks
Spirit x

Spirit:

I have guilt feelings especially if someone compliments me. Instead of accepting the compliment I try to analyze why they said it. Did I do something that made them feel like they had to make a positive response? Do they see I really suck and they are trying to make me feel better? I never assume they really mean it; there's always an alterior motive. Compliments are embarrassing and very uncomfortable for me.

Cecilia,

this is how I figured a lot of us have or do feel concerning allowing ourselves to feel good about 'us'. Because, I have felt it too! And, yes I did feel guilty about feeling good about me or just spending time thinking about me.

I have moved from this place now. As I know I do deserve to feel these feelings, just as YOU DO! I guess as usual it is that we intelectually understnd that we should love oursleves, but the emotional connections have not taken place.

Lately, I have accpeted compliments from people and intergrated them into how I feel about me. Afterall, people ARE commenting on what they see!

It does take time and we all get here at different stages. I guess I have got to the place where I realise that if I do not learn to love me I will always be in a place that I am sick of exisiting. I deserve to feel loved by me, I owe it to myself. Just as you do too!

Thank you for your honesty

Spirit x

My "special friend" does have issues with self love. He always downplays a compliment given to him and feels like he is not worthy of someone good. He feels that he deserves someone but not someone with "true love" for him. I guess he feels like it is also too much stress for him sometimes to be able to accept those good feelings because he feels undeserving.

We are starting to work through those feelings, but I think they are very well ingrained in his psyche. He has a tremendous amount of guilt if he feels that he did something bad to me. It may be something so minor that I didn't even notice....such as he didn't get me flowers for more than a month. This is not something I expect (although it is nice) but the fact that he didn't get me flowers is no reason to feel guilty.

I am the opposite. I am extremely laid back and know in my heart that I do the best that I can every day. If I don't get everything done that I am supposed to do....it will be there tomorrow. I don't worry about anything (but my kids) and I rarely feel guilty about anything. I can do what I can do....and no more than that.

Sisu

A wonderful place to be Sisu! This is where we should all work on being!

Spirit x

Been there done that, got the T-shirt!
If I was around a friend, work colleague, actually anyone that I may have interacted with and they seemed a bit off. I would quiz myself on what I could of possibly done that could make them behave this way. I took it upon myself to look at 'me' instead of 'them', or simply accept that they may just be having an off day! I would feel tremendous guilt and worry what I could of done wrong. It is a horrible burden/feeling and can tie you up in knots.

I believe a lot of this for me goes back to my childhood, guilt was used as a form of punishment! My mother would make me swear on her life or my little sisters life if she thought I may not be telling the truth, and would remind me that if I had lied and one of them died it would be because of me (blimey, I had forgoten about that little trick of hers until now!).

Guilt is such a wasted emotion and it diminshes who we are. I am working on feeling gulity free. Life should be about accepting responsibility for our actions and learning to make good/better choices, NOT constanlty whipping oursleves with the guilt-stick!

Thanks Sisu

Spirit x

P.s......just remembered that my mother would also say 'don't bother swearing on your life I am not concerned on whether you want to die or not!' And, I wondered why I have felt gulity about merely existing all of these years!

Guilt is a terrible thing to MAKE someone feel!

Spirit x

That is terrible that your mother would say those words to you. Just write those horrible words down that haunt you. Then burn them in a fire and release the words from your mind. And also, learn from those words and don't do that to others. Life is a journey about making mistakes and learning. Just don't forget to smell the roses along the way in your journey!

Sisu

The guilt I have felt could of turned into something mean and nasty. I have made mistakes, I have not always made the best possible choices, I have not always acted in a way that is conducive to living a happy life for myself, my son and my ex. But, I would NEVER make anyone feel guilty about who they are - that would cause me to much guilt!

I do not want anyone to ever feel this way, not ever! It is as I said above, a wasted emotion that can go in one of two ways. Neither are useful life skills.

No more guilt for me. I am a good person and I am as fallible as the next, and that is perfectly healthy in my books!

Spirit x

Yay Spirit!! You are right....and its too hard to be perfect. Its much easier being human!

Sisu