Another Tear Falls

Another tear falls
As the image leaves.
Streaming down my face
As a small child grieves.

Shadows stalk the night
In a broken mind.
Searching now for strength
That I cannot find.

Sleeplessness prevails
Until morning light.
Try to make it through
Yet another night.

I feel so alone
And the sadness comes.
Thoughts of ending life,
And my will succumbs.

Walking The Edge

Many have done this time after time,
Put on the happy face lean to the right
when the rage battles on inside, so that when asked you can say Fine,
but we all know that to the left is our greatest battle onward the fight.

Many have said the forbidden word, looking for a quick fix,
some have attempted others successful,
but never to be mentioned with in company the results are mixed,
shorten a life , take away there potential.

Then there is the other side of it all,
fight for it , talk it out , take meds ,fight , fight , fight
some are so good at staying this side happy go lucky avoiding the fall,
others struggle every step of the way to talk to us and get our history our lips are sealed tight.
then there are those who have fought and won they stand Tall.

Yes I am jealous as I walk the edge,
happy on one day and falling the next
one thing I know that I have seen clear a commitment is required for happiness i pledge,
one that I can't show the importance of in this text

I have constant pain, its most distracting,
on top of PTSD symptoms I scream its not fair
until I learn a way to control, this pain I'll keep reacting,
like a knife in the heart the pain it justs tears.

That is the way that I walk the edge, trying to stay upright,
traumas, memories, flashbacks, and nightmares lean to the dark
happiness peace calm and friendship and dealing with it a beautiful site,
so happiness, peace and goodness is nice , but I still lean to the Dark as I have been marked.

Ode to My Love

Overtaken by the impending night the sunshine’s warmth did not cure my plight.
I was taken captive tortured and enslaved by gripping trauma as my spirit raved.
My first love stole the light of my youth and poisoned me like a serpent’s tooth.
Left numb and undead like a wondering ghost;
I was lifeless when emptiness became my host.
But that was then and this is now, to the God of hosts I wholeheartedly bow.
Left within His beaker of unseen days, God made me a love so I could sing praise.
When God made my true love and formed his being, He must have foreseen my humble pleading.
I cried for a mate to complete my existence and provide me with strength for some hopeful resistance.
Though my trauma I ponder, process, and purge;
Death is no longer a beckoning urge.
I can see with my eyes there is hope for my healing, as my love safely holds me while I’m feeling.

No Hope

Some may say theres always hope, but I believe theirs not,
some people are just the type that things work out for,
I am not, take it easy Breathe real slow these things I do so I have fought,
A fight I wrestle juke, and dive, left hook ,right hook, bam the hits me. more.

I whine to friends who listen with patience, and some that really care,
I hate myself the wimp I have become, is this who I really have become,
i wish that life would take a change but I am afraid that this is my cross to bear,
many times I think I got it, the answer to it all, all I have to do is figure out a way to run.

To run from problems is my vice,
the results are rarely nice,
but now I know my issues/trauma they really are concise.
admittance is my penance, Ill pay for this one twice

so glad to finally have some company in here...it get's lonely.

Feeling...

Confounded, confused
Mixed up and off-balance
These are a few of my dubious talents.

Defective, disgusted
Lost and segmented
My feelings are all of my own, they're demented.

Are others out there just as nutty as me?
I can't see them!
Where are they? Where can they be?

Ah...I see...

I must hide my feelings
That's the way it is done.
The proper, the safe way, and revealed to no one.

Until one day I start feeling...

Confounded, confused
Mixed-up and off-balance
They've come back to haunt me, my dubious talents.

(written when I first realized I was clinically depressed)

i love it, moki!

thanks, cookie. I've never shared it with anyone, but figured this would probably be the best place!

Feelings/Emotions

Alone in the darkness, A shadow growes larger, as if it is getting near
I hold my breath hoping that the shadow will not notice me, if I am quiet
it gets near , my heart grows rapid, I hope that the shadow can not hear my heart beating out of my chest.
shallow breathing so as not to be noticed,
curled up in a ball, as smal as I was as a fetus I think.

Who is the shadow, so I want to know is it omminous maybe the shadow is my knight in shinning armour, I should not be afraid, but what if its a trick,
my mind plays plenty of those on me, if I let my guard down i'll get hurt that is the pattern.

I want so bad to look out at the world, like I am looking through a childs eyes.
not mine, though , mine are clouded, warped and tired they have seen to much hurt, and pain and disortaion already,

These eyes show distrust, hurt, and lonliness,
those are emotions and feelings I know to well
I wish that I could start this life over again and learn the other emotions and feelings,
love, gentle touch, hugs, pride and honesty as well as respect for me and for those I let be near me.

Freedom

No more tears,
no more fears,
no more tearing hearts and souls apart.

Loving yourself,
trusting yourself,
Feeling worthy to be alive.
yearning to live, hungry for life to begin.

Hurting that ceaces,
picking up and moving on.
Not living in the past,
looking toward the future, with eyes wide open.

Tears my continue to flow,
however, no longer out of pain,
simply washing the window's to see clearly once more.

No more anger,
no more hatred.
Good things begin to happen,
when you believe in yourself.

Freedom takes a while to get,
continuing the battle,
not giving in to the evils.
Letting your light shine brightly for other's to see,
and for you to feel it's warmth.

Freedom and you are worth fighting for,
never give up, never stop.
Freedom will be yours if you believe in yourself,
freedom to be you and to love yourself truely and wholly.