Ok this is probably my first attempt at a poem and im not a very good constructive writer, It is hard for me to concentrate i suffer from PTSD from the war in iraq.


Trapped in my mind.


The fathers, Sons brothers and uncles i killed, Why must you haunt me at night, The screams of the women and children still chill me to the bone.

The sights of the broken, burned bodies that lay on the floor that make me sick to my stomach, I retreat into the depths of my mind trying to hide the pain, No matter what i do i still see the various body parts, An arm here a leg there.

My fellow soldiers lifeless body laying next to me, I scream in pain i scream in anger, I stand up baying for blood unbeknown to me that blood i lusted for as a very young boy would come back to haunt me later in life.

I bare no physical injury for my injury runs deep, I'm trapped in a cell in my mind that i have created, For once i stood a proud young soldier strong in mind and body, Now i feel old and conquered.

I learned to cry, And cry i did for every poor soul i sent to there gods, For the children i had laid to slain, I feel the guilt and remorse but why o why must i suffer so, Because of the few words of a politician behind a desk who chanted " To war we must go ".

This once proud defender of nations, Now lives in fear every window i look at and every corner i turn, Upon the faces of my people i see ghosts of war.

I stay awake for as long as i can, To afraid to sleep for sleep brings the war back to me, Every minute i breath im stuck in my cell i wish it never had a hold of me, I long for joy in my life for a life without joy is no life at all.

I may be broken and trapped in my cell but i still long to fight the good fight again.





By (Ex) Trooper M Kelly
Scots Dragoon Guards


Thank you for taking your time to read this, And thank you to all my brothers in arms for the great job you are doing.

Thank you for sharing your poem with us, and welcome to the forum!

Welcome glory....

(written but never given to brother's best friend)
The Disease (Huntington's disease)

he's a boy, my little man,
with his toys, makes a stand
to the sky he commands
with his tiny little hand....

Then a man, his own built land,
winnin' what no othr can
takes it all , but he shall fall,
and you don't call...

you grew together, you shared it all
you traded hearts and grew so tall
now count your blessings and your wealth
you've got it all, plus your health...

The disease grew too
only I seemed to know
when his body shook
that you'd never show...

Well glance around - I have to stay
walk opposite- just walk away
he breaks my heart - everyday
that he doesn't die, I just cry...

He'll die soon - atop his bed,
tears I've cried, blood I've shed
bu he knows it's me that kept him free
that's just how it had to be...

So I love him and he knows it well,
and he loves me, in my private hell
but we both just smile and say a prayer
then he looks far off, in a silent stare....

I see your face in eyes of blue
He and I, best friends in the end,
No thanks to you!!!
dlj

these are for anyone that has lost a loved one due to a disease
Jerry L. Jordan Jr. my lovely brother 1/14/61 to his birthday to heaven 4/14/96

J.J.Jr.

the heavens broke again, and sprayed their light on me.
as I awoke to tear filled eyes,
the angelic forms descended mistily at my feet, crying.
"Do not cry for me, it is your beautiful psalms I so desparately need."
the colors of that world sang for me, and the spirit world rejoiced with laughter, as my pain suddenly healed.
"You took my precious brother, God, he was all that I had left,"
The Angels once again surrounded my bed, but their pleads only made me weep more.
the heavenly flowers sang tunes of eternal springtime and my wounds once again healed.
Atop that meadow - in all his strength and glory - I saw that brother of mine singing songs of freedom.
God did know the answer, the band-aid was knowing my brother was peacefully happy.
And as I lay back down- soft whispered hymns overheard-
I felt a soft deer like kiss upon my cheek,
and a cool breeze, as my brother floated back to his tranquil home in the sky.
His band-aid, knowing "I knew" he forever relaxes and "rests in peace", and I content therein...
dlj

Bad Mother

Sorry he's dead, but your still in bed,
ain't it swell, high in your hell.

well you not the mother , I took that role long ago,
but you just couldn' wait, to strike your next blow.

well each man wants me, that you date date date
too many faces to count, too many to hate hate hate

but i need help, is what you say,
when truth is spoken on any given day.

so don't face the facts or even the law
but pedophiles are illegal
you collect them in your drawer

I don't love you, nor respect your mind
your tainted with venom, love, you will not find.

when left in your dloom, at a very old age,
remember back, that "you" set that stage

the one that was yours, and yours alone,
your rules, your punishments, your sticks and your stones.

Don't call me then, when you need someone to care
you won't know my number, when your cubbard is bare


so take a look, at photos once shot
when I wished and prayed, in your heart, I had a spot.

well I didn't, you wouldn't, pretend to love,
the father's daughter sent from above.

He was I and I was he,
and both were God filled and spiritually free.

you never stole us, you never won
the game of love, but you had your fun.
well it's not a toy, and not for sell, (prostitution and love)
remember your sins, when your sent to hell.

Love is precious - a gift so free, not even the word, can measure its' degree.
it's mine and my father's, my God and my brother's.
Happy trails below, where smoke smothers.
dlj

may 93'
Emotional Shut down

Lets play a game, learned very well,
where good little girls, are sent to hell.

Let's play fair - I want to win,
they taught me evil, inside their cabin.

I bet you money, the gun's not loaded,
they should me before, that I won't be exploded.

Now you be 6, and so will I,
tied up on beds, but don't dare cry.

They click the chamber, pass out from fear,
they teach me shut down, then they laugh and they sneer.

They live in this world, they will use your child,
if hawk eyes blind you,
The kid will grow wild.

So see how I've learned, this game so well,
Mommy had fun, while they taught me their hell.

Now you be 30, that's where I am now,
but flashbacks flash me back,
two years old, pow pow pow.

Now Daddy's gone,
she let him die,
she always laughs,
everytime I cry.

Can we pick a person to blame,
for making me the President of the Hall of Shame.

Who'll get the credit, I'll donate today,
where venom can't live, in my world, to stay.

It's 69', get the picture,
They missed nam, the u.s. is homebase,
But they gave me their guns, in my mouths (vag, too) and my face.

Roaming to safety, BillyJack said can't be found, (BillyJack 71' movie)
that line scares me, cause my angers tightly wound.

So show me the heaven they say is here on earth,
letme decide to believe you- me deciding your worth.
I was taught by the best, the best of the bad,
Emotional shut-down, the lone she-wolf-oh, so sad.....

(Wails of crying in background, voice of the Donna as a small child begins)

Please paint me a picture, with softness and strength, so I grow tall,
That she-wolf scares me, no love for her at all,
Let her learn to dial, learn to call,
She needs help- and I am too little.
But I know what I know- her heart shell is brittle.
Can you see her eyes, I turn away, cause they make me cry, should I look and stay.
Her name is Donna, and she's just my size,
Old souls are made from pain, her pain made her wise.
I think I see, a sparkle igniting, just now, in her eyes!!!!
Oh God, I love you, you said if I pray, you'd help Little Donna's pain go away.
She's laughing and singing, there's even people around, she's not hiding,
from the branching in which she is swinging.
Oh God I love you, so much more then before, cause she conquered the battle, and got up from the floor.
I love you, I love you, she's dancing and leaping,
she loves you, she loves you, shes mine for the keeping,,,,
tightly- in your arms- God
dlj

this is basically for writing about the good caregivers we had, though maybe for long enough. Any thoughts and feelings those that truly loved you, while the crap was hitting the fan, should be acknowledge here.
I hope others find someone to write about, even if it were a person sitting on a park bench giving you much needed words that touched you.
And also for those we have lost...

again more poems, I'm too whacked out from being in the er overnight being evaluted for possibly going to a psych unit, nope i was fine this morning, in hell last night, so I am using already written stuff, enjoy if you can identify yourself in them.

Recovery Love

You ask me to love you, I do, oh baby I do, but miss you- I just cannot.
Unless it is before my eyes, you, on the spot,
can I love you, honestly love you.
I'm a runner, slowly slowing down, but I can't miss what is not around.
I was left, not right , everyday of my life.
Til I learned how it's played, shut off, shut down, unless it's around.
I try to hunger for your love while you are away,
but that's just it, I act it, I play.
Words not meant to harm.
But it is the air I feel, and not your arm.
I am programmed quite stronger then most,
because child stands guard, (my inner child)
when love leaves its post.
So guarded am I, that you cannot cause pain,
sorry my love, for it is what I feel.
But the wolves remain hungry - without you - it's me, they will try to steal.
And weak, oh yes, very weak and yearning.
You started the process of love that I am learning,
so go away - tell me sweet- how much you miss me,
it's me, the others greet.
I'm starving-unquenched, while you play your toy, (guitar player)
I'm weak and daring, to every single boy.
This girl needs love, no part-time position required.
It's full time or nothing, the position desired.
The pay more then fair, benefits too, every single day, of me and the unknown future you.
So if not busy, sign your name now, if not, I expect endings like this,
it's what i've been taught, yesteryears and now.
I love you, I love you, words on paper, no ear to reach,
no want to solve this caper
I really care, but so what-
I really love- **** me-
I realy want- but suffication of desire opens other doors, letting the worlds' oxygen in, and the others know my address.
Sorry- I do love you- but miss you- I miss no one-
ptsd to blame, and I thank it now for moving away from you.

write your stories of woe or success, once in a blue moon, one of us gets lucky to get a partner that will move mountains to help us,,,,,,,,,,,,,share yours
even if they don't care about your ptsd, share that too.