I am giving myself until Tuesday night to tell the wife. I am afraid to call her because the nasty husband listens on the phone extension. HIS DAUGHTER DOES TOO and I really get upset when she listens in on our conversations, -she was not invited to the conversation, she is a drunk, part-time on meds for bipolar disorder, and she is mean as a snake, and owns a gun. Bad mixture.

OH, how in the world did you get involved with these people. Just because your husband works with him doesn't mean you have to be friends too.

I want to say something to you that you might not like but you need to hear it. I don't think you choose your friends carefully (I've been guilty of this too) You are too nice and trusting and want to give them the benefit of the doubt IMO. and that is what is causing these problems.

I also think that these people don't listen to you even though you set some boundaries because you don't follow through with the boundaries until you get sick with physical illness. You shouldn't let it go that far. If someone doesn't listen to your boundaries the 1st time, then end it.... period.....

I hope you feel better and please be careful when you become friends with people.
Tammy

Thanks Tammy!

Well, husband and I went to have lunch with the perp's wife today, and I was so nervous because I had no idea what she would say when I told her that I can't be around her husband any more. You'll never guess.
She said she understood completely, even before I explained exactly what he had done to make me ill.
We are not the first friends they have lost because of Rich's behavior.
I did cry some because I was so nervous, but she understood everything and didn't blame me for wanting to stop being around her husband. We can't all together do breakfast any more, but we can still see her alone for lunch sometimes.

Funny. My stomach doesn't hurt any more and I have stopped vomiting.
My emotions are tied to my GI tract.

Time to start new friendships, carefully this time. I tried to tolerate the perp's behavior all this time because he is an old man, with problems controlling blood sugar, which can make a person act funny, and his mind is going away. But Tammy is right; I should not put up with so many violations before i end the relationship.

I ended 4 friendships in 2007, so ending this one was hard for me because it looks like I am the culprit, but in each case, I got tired of being treated badly. My circle of friends is getting very small.

I'm glad you weren't offended. I thought about editing my post because I'm not in the right frame of mind at the current moment to be giving advise IMO. But I remembered a post of yours were you had to end a friendship and I thought that maybe you are just too nice, and give too many chances.

I hate to see someone one as nice as you get ill like that over some one who doesn't care. I understand that you felt bad for him because he is losing his mind, but still you have to think of "you" first. I doubt he was thinking of you "first" or how sick his comments made you feel.

You can build up your circle of friends again by just being careful in who you choose to let in. Let your gut instinct tell you when you meet someone. This gut feeling may not always be correct, but people's true colors will reveal themselves at some point and then you will set the boundaries.

Never let someone slide once you set those boundaries because they will continue to violate them (Maybe it is reasonable to give one warning???). Some people break these boundaries because they don't realize what they are doing wrong, and some people do it on purpose because they like to abuse others and this is just another way of doing it.

I'm glad your feeling better and I hope you find some decent friends to take the place of the ones you had to let go of.

Take care
Tammy

Oh, no, honey, I was not offended. Tell me like it is! That man was passive-aggressive as hell, telling an incest joke, then saying I was over sensitive. Cant you take a joke?
I am not surprised at all that he has lost other friends because of his behavior. He knew what he was doing. I found out from his wife that he has many problems and a long history of sexual deviance.

I slept good last night and my stomach doesnt hurt any more.
I am glad for your advice!

Tammy:

My T told me the exact same thing last month. I was telling her some issues I was having and she said "why do you hang out with losers?" I was shocked and then she started going down the list of my friends and things I have told her.

She said my friends list showed a complete lack of confidence. Her advice was to be picky about my good friends and surround myself with people trying to have positive attitudes. It's contageous.

2Quilt,
I have always been a letter writer. When one tries to explain a problem the other person gets on the defense immediately. When writing, they read by themselves and are less likely not to read it. Curiosity gets to them so they continue reading. This is also proof of the goings on. The receiver of the letter is less likely to show it to someone else to get their support as it tells exactly what the problems are.
sunnydaze

Hi, I'm the worst advice giver ever, so I'm glad to read that there is lots here already. If I was to break a friendship, I'de avoid that person like the plague. It's very difficult to end something face to face, and I respect those people for just letting the other know so it's not drawn out and wondering why their not being replied to (messages, email etc...). Good luck and hope you're feeling better!

I feel alot better now that I killed that relationship. Wish I had done it sooner. Thanks to everyone for the support!