I'll keep this short. My stepson is about 6'0 190# pretty tough BiPolar guy. He started some crap and went psycho with me after my husband's funeral two weeks ago...He likes to get physical...
Anyway he pushed me, I snapped and had him on the ground outside of the Legion by the throat crushing his left lung with my knee. (I am 5'7" 195#)
Everything that I was taught in the military is instinct when I get like this. I made him count to 10 before I would let him up and breath.

I really scare myself when I have an incident like this because it is obviously a trigger and I am afraid that I will kill someone. Yes we were all drinking which I am being very leary of right now.

Long story short, I am going to a counselor next week.....taking my meds not drinking and hopefully can pinpoint other triggers that make me snap.

Am I alone here or do other PTSD sufferers go thru this as well?

Kel

Capt,

I was like this too. I remember one time my brother(one of my abusers) got in my face one day, I warned him 3 times to get out of my face, and when he wouldn't, I snapped. I punched him in the face at least a dozen times before my nephew got me in a full nelson, which I immediately got out of and went after my brother again. This time I started kicking him in his knee. Oh....To bad he just had surgery on it the week before.

Once you start dealing with WHAT/WHO has caused your anger, and can find ways to deal with it, you will lose the anger. It does get easier.

I have a "hair trigger" response also but nothing on the level of these.

However, if you sneak up behind me and touch me in anyway from behind when I don't know you are there----well your ass is on the ground and you definately have some kind of facial injury.

Almost flattened a doctor at work once. He came up behind me, lightly tugged on my hair to get my attention----well he got it. Thank god I stopped in time or he would have certainly have been on the floor. OOPS!

Once in 2003 just after the war started, I was backing out of a parking spot, and this van with a woman driver just pulled perpendicular to me , right behind my van, and sat there. I sat there for a moment, thinking that she didn't see me backing up. But she did that on purpose.

I got tired of waiting, so i got out and walked over to her and asked her to move so i could get out. She rolled her window down and called me a 'baby killer!' I have disabled veteran liscence plates. I replied, "wrong war, bitch!"
and got back in my van. The bitch didn't move.

I got real angry and got back out of my van, walked over to her and she threw her gum from her mouth at me, so I grabbed her by the hair and punched her in the face about a dozen times, breaking her glasses, sending them flying to the floor. She was harnessed in the driver's seat so she could not get away from my punches. I told her that I was going to back up out of this parking space, and if she didn't move, she was going to get hurt again, this time my metal and glass. She moved.

I am terribly sorry to hear about your husband's death. Yes, I think grief counseling is a great idea. Take care of you!

Thanks for the input and invite Grama
I did not mention that this is the 4th time I have snatched this 29 year old man up and was going to DX him. Like I said he is BiPolar but if he lays a hand on me (the step mother), I snap. The last time I grabbed him by the front of his t-shirt twisted it around my arm so tight that once again he could not breath. I waited until his face was purple/blue before I let go....only because we were in public.

I scare the heck out of myself because yes we were trained to do this stuff in the military........but not let go......I think we all know what we are capable of doing.

But the guy is dangerous. He is a wife beater....One of our Mastiffs attacked him in our home one day after he pushed his sick father (my husband) in the hallway. The dog snapped , jumped up and with paws on each shoulder pinned that young man to the back door and was going to tear his throat out.

I will try to avoid him as much as possible....he is scared to death of me because I just assume eliminate him the easy way.....and he knows it.

Just trying to keep it together. Diet coke and cigars.

Kel