I was PM.d by someone about another member. I went to her diary and read the last entry...she said she needed a break...OK, no problem she did this before but gave her private email to some of us and we remained in contact that way....tonight the last entry apologized for making us worry but not to PM her, privately contact her. I am very worried right now....What does a person do...she has been really sad and depressed lately???


UUUGGGGHHHH....I hope she is ok but I feel kind of like my hands are tied in a knot. I am feeling a bit sick inside.....

You do not control others Pandora and you regardless what you may perceive as being helpful, sometimes interference can be more stressful when a person just wants space and room to breath for a while by themselves. I would only suggest you do not frustrate yourself with what others do, as basically you are allowing another sufferer, friend or not, to take you down with them. If a person wants a break and doesn't want contact offline either, then all you can do is respect their request. If they go kill themselves, its not your fault, nothing you or another could do would have stopped it. Stop worrying about what you do not control is my suggestion...

Thanx Anthony...i think I have just been through a very stressful time and I am still rying to calm down from my life...the last couple of months, in general. Sorry if I overrreacted...I did leave a message in her diary too...I really hope it is just a break and not a cry for help. i know....I really am a worry wart.

Pand,

You are not alone, I'm extremely worried about this member, too. I understand what Anthony is saying but I'm also experiencing these concerns despite the fact.

What do we do when we know a person is suicidal? I've never been in this situation before. It's easy to look at things through a black and white telescope, the fact of the matter is that things are not that simple.

Ugh, I'm sick over this.

Actually I'm very glad this is raised.

I was worried after the last break.

I'm especially worried now.

But it is no burden. Not a burden at all. I just hope that she see's that and when she is ready she talks to us. I really admire her straight up no BS attitude. She's helped me more then she's realised.

not to butt in as a newbie but I had to take a break for a few weeks since my husband just died.......I was getting support from others not out of the forum......It doesnt have to be a bad thing.....I do understand everyones concern.....But I know I needed to get away and get some things straightened out before being able to come back.

Hi captrn, sorry about your loss. I think everyone needs a break from time to time. I just signed out of 10 groups that I was a member of, and then I got a lot of e-mails I had to answer telling everyone I'm OK, I just need a break. That in itself took two days.

My mother committed suicide and I can tell you one thing. People are going to do it no matter how much you try to help. They will need a real life person to stop them and I don't see how moral support over the internet can make much difference. So please try not to worry and just say some prayers that God (or) your higher power (if you have one) will take care of it.

When this person snaps out of this (and I hope they do) most likely they will be thankful that you cared and didn't butt in with personal e-mails.

Tammy

But what if certain people on this forum are able to physically intervene? And, what if we know for certain that this person is suicidal? I'm just very confused. I always thought the responsible thing to do would be to get that person the help they need because they are in a position where they can't do it by themselves due to the deep depression.

Personally, I can't just sit by while someone holds a gun to their head. I understand that people's reaction to these situations will vary. I'm just not one to say "oh well, there's nothing I can do". I think people should at least try. There is nothing malicious in trying to help someone (even though that person may think right now that she doesn't want help - but that's mighty faulty thinking).

Please, no one take that personally, they're simply my own moral standards, and we all have a different code by which we live.

Best,
Rachel

Moral support online is exactly my point also Tammy... it achieves nothing and only creates chaos in many other lives. A member has to take responsibility for their own life... intervention even by a friend does not stop suicide if someone wants to do it... the only thing that can stop it is professional intervention by hospitalisation, and even then, suicide under suicide watch still happens, because if someone wants to die they will.

If someone thinks they want to die, but really they just want help, then they have to stick their hand up to those around them and ask for that help, and that doesn't involve being online... it is face to face people within their lives.

Rachel, I understand your concern and the decision you make is up to you. But please consider that you can't save everyone. They need to learn to save themselves. If you run around here trying to save everyone you will wear yourself down and burn yourself out.

I was just basing my opinion on the fact of what happened with my mother. She stated she was going to kill herself to 3 people and meant it. She was under suicide watch, and she still did it.

There is a difference...... and this is what I want to point out here. If some one is just momentarily thinking they want to die they will snap out of it, or get help. These are the people that can be helped, but usually only by a professional.

The people who already have made up their mind, are going to do it no matter what you do or say. I understand their pain and I've made two attempts myself in the past. I know the difference between a cry for help and feeling it's time to throw in the towel.

When a person gets in this frame of mind it's almost impossible to change it. I think it's best to tell them you will miss them when they are gone, but if they are just crying for help you can lend them moral support and listen. However, my point being is that worrying over something you have no control over is stress that you shouldn't have to endure.

I know this seems cold on my part and I can assure you I don't want anyone to die. But if I was ready to throw in the towel and someone was trying to stop me, that would just make things worse on them because they would have felt they failed (with tons of guilt) when I succeeded. So please don't set yourself up for that kind of disappointment.

I know from experience that worrying will not change their mind, but will cause you stress that you don't need. I hope you understand what I'm trying to convey here. I think that we should focus our attention on the people who want help, instead of those who don't. I'm not sure who this person is and maybe it's just a cry for help and do whats in your heart.

What I said may seem mean and cruel, but it's just being realistic based on a lot of years of what I experienced with my mother.

Take it easy
Tammy