i have memories of several rapes, an intended suffocation, going to the doctors at age 8 with an inflamed and irritated rectum, and this is mostly verifiable. my father, who is in medicine kept quiet. either denial or they have something on him, bad guy.

there is one perpetrator i am not sure of. i think his name was father bear. he sat on the left side of me on the day they gang raped me. i remember as a child having a dream about a bear biting my knee. i also remember at the same time having a dream of wearing a brace on my leg to help me walk. neither the bite or the cast were real, just dreams. fr bear was one of the 4 that gang raped me in one of the occassions. yet i have no memory of his involvement, except some pretty disgusting things.

are there any centers that focus on regaining memory. i am familiar with emdr, i just want all this stuff past me. i want to deal with it all now, waiting on memories sucks. i want focused and fast results.

I have found that the mind will only give us as much as we can handle. The only thing I have heard of is EMDR.

In the meantime start a trauma diary here, and write as much as you can about all of your abuse and trauma. As you write, more than likely some memories will automatically come back to you.

There is a section here on repressed memories as well, so it would be a good idea to read that.

Tammy

Hi ricoforkids - Repressed/suppressed/recovered traumatic memory is complicated, because of the False Memory Syndrome debate. A lot of therapists are a little wary of trying to recover memories because of this... it needs to be done very carefully.

What I can say is, it's good that there is medical verification, as that's often what therapists need to know, and also you need to know in order for you not to doubt your own truth - though it sounds you are already there with that, and that's really good. It took me a long time to get to that point.

I second Seeking Nirvana's advice.

In terms of therapies on recovering these memories, stay well away from any therapist that wants to do Recovered Memory Therapy (RMT) as this is what the False Memory Syndrome is based on. EMDR would be a good place to start. And trying not to force or rush the process of remembering... you may have to accept that you may never remember some of the details, depending on age, whether drugs were used, and if there was a large amount of dissociation.

The good news is... you don't necessarily need to remember every single detail of your past, though I understand feeling the need to want to.

If you haven't already, the hugest, biggest thing that helped me was educating myself, and researching... there are a few posts going back over the last year that I remember that are about these kinds of memories, and if you can find them by searching them you'd find that beneficial.

When you're researching the net, if you decide to and haven't already... you'll need to search many terms... the False Memory Syndrome Debate is the oppositionary view, and painful to read but important. I know enough about that to know that the founders of it were ALL accused of child abuse, and so it is questionable... however FMS can happen, in RMT. But repressed/suppressed/recovered/dissociative memories are fully known to exist also, and you'll need to search all of those terms to get the right information you need - they all mean the same thing, but are just used by different era's and types of approaches in pyschology and psychiatry. Once you start reading articles by many psychologists/psychiatrists you will start to learn a lot about the issue, and factors that affect it, factors that may harm the process, and help the process...I recommend Jim Hopper as one of the most life-changing websites I have read. I strongly recommend you google it.

Once you know yourself what the position is, what's what in the issue... you'll know where to go from there. At least, partly. Trauma diary is a really good place to start, as people will give input if they can.

On a personal point... since I first admitted to myself that I was having strange memories that had powerful impacts on me (I seriously feared I was making it up), and did the research, it has taken me 3 years, but I am understanding a lot more, and remember a little more... the things I remembered over the last 3 years were not new memories at all... for me, I had to dare to think about those things that I just did not want to touch with a bargepole. They were always there... my mind just wasn't in the right place to allow me to think about them until I was ready.

Good luck mate.

I have found a therapy that actualy does work..it removes the bad memories/flashbacks and lets you get on with a half decent life...its called "tie cutting therapy"...developed by a reiki master i believe..and practised by only a few therapists that i know of...im lucky enough to live near a therapist,believed to be the best/one of best in Australia...and he has successfuly tie cut me from 12 seperate "horrific instances" in my past...as well as my wife...seriously..if you can find someone who "masters" in this practise,try it...but it will prob fail first attempt until you can master shutting out the logic and believing...i can pass on details of my therapist in N.S.W. to anyone interested in sleeping again...