My wife says I thrash in my sleep, she said I woke up yesterday and grabbed her by the arms, looked her in the eye and said "I thought your arms fell off....get away from me, don't touch me".
I've done this many times before, sometimes becoming violent or screaming, occasionally she says I yell things like "Get down!" "Contact!" "FIRE MOTHER ****ER" "ARRGGGHHH" I think you get the drift.
I've also choked, punched, grabbed and raped her in my sleep.
Other times she says I curl up into a ball and cry, which is not like me at all.
In the morning I never recall any of this, I just always wake up groggy.
I do have a temper and can snap pretty easily, I'm violent natured but I try to control it. My wife and family classify me as "Quiet, cold and emotionless" I find myself always miserable and looking at life like it's completely pointless. I feel worthless, I hate myself, generally unmotivated, lack of self worth sums it up. Weirdest of all, I find myself craving to go back to the desert, I feel like that's where I belong, like I have some unfinished business or I need to do it one last time to get it out of my system.

Hi Jetto, it is important not to harm your wife even though you don't recall any of it. You will be giving her PTSD by abusing her. You stated you feel pretty miserable because you have this illness, so why would you go and give it some one else?

Try to find some positive outlets for that anger. Like punching bags, weight lifting etc. Also educate yourself on this illness. There is a plethora of information on anger and other symptoms.

I hope you are seeing a therapist or a doctor. If not, please do so as quickly as possible.

Tammy

There are also really good sleep clinics out there. I strongly urge you to go to one ASAP. I the meantime, perhaps it is best if you slept in different rooms and your wife can keep the door locked.

I do think that, with a doctor's help, you can overcome this.

Me too. Try something that completely knocks you out during sleep. Also, a two point restraint, might be helpful. I was emotionless too, but not violent-but could not fall into sleep. Benzos helped that. A steady diet, daily exercise even if forced, possibly yoga too, always help. Also, getting out in public helps if you can control the situation enough, and notice your reactions.