I swore I would not really be back here as I am so much healthier not posting and reading but want to stop by and just update as I am passing through. And I realized my spam filter started sending everyone's emails to my trash/bulk folder. Why it did not at first and then did...

About 3 and 1/2 months in of no smoking. I think I beat it this time as I have gone through some crazy crap and surfaced just fine smoke free. Though instead of chocolate cravings here and there it is smoking craves. My goodness I had no clue I smelled so bad. Now that I can smell any and everything (yuck) I doubt I will ever make myself smell like that on purpose again.

Still not taking Xanax for months either so I have been doing about as awesome as it gets. Did drink hard for a week or two but guess it happens, cut it back out. Still shopping once a week to do exposure and for last 2 weeks I have been going out to eat, shopping alone, gardening, driving (will go get my license again soon now!)... I seem to be coming to a phase I need to keep busy to keep anxiety under control. My son commented today he was so happy I can go places with him again. Then asked if I keep getting better will I move back to Houston. No, but I have seen I can visit and be OK. Still get panic attacks and I have seen I can pass them and not cycle, not need drugs, and no ER trip which was a long road but one well earned.

Next month is my normal hard core crash and after last 2 weeks I set myself up well for it. Now I have not been able to work for what? 6 or 7 years and never thought I would even be close to considering it? If I do not have the usual melt down I am going to try to go back to work. I am not going to be too open about it, I have one place in mind, the zoo. Hubby is putting on no pressure, if anything it will be just to continue exposure, not really added income.

Just wanted to stop in and say I have been doing awesome and keep getting better.

That is awesome Veiled. Great work!

That is excellent news Veiled... this just re-emphasises what Evie and others have done... being you must use the tools to heal, learn and educate, then abandon the forum to get on with learning how to put everything into action. Only a few people could ever tolerate PTSD and the day to day of a forum... its not for everyone. Glad you have found this now Veiled.

Life is there to be lived, and with the right tools and knowledge, a will to succeed, you can take back control of your life. You have learnt an invaluable lesson IMHO of when to take what you know and run for your own best interest. That is what the internet does... gives you the education and information, then you take that and use it in your daily life to succeed once again.

Really well done veiled and so glad you worked this out for yourself... life will only continue getting better for you IMHO if you keep going this route. Leave the forums and WWW alone, get on with practicing what you know to better your life.

I would only warn about the dangers of replacing one habit with another though, being your admission of workaholism. It is something you must remain cognisant to not replace smoking and medication with the desire to be constantly busy so as your mind is distracted. Maybe your last learning effort to really have a total grasp on how to live life with PTSD within pretty close to normal bounds as another does without implication to your own health. Good to hear anothers true success.

I say stay clear of forums and the like when your at your point... it is like being a therapist... only very few actually are natural at it, the rest struggle to cope.

Great job Veiled with everything!!!!!! I am so happy that you finally did quit smoking. I knew you could do it. Great Job!!!!!!

Keep up the good work with everything else, and eventually you will end up at the Zoo.....

Hugs

Good shit, Veiled!

I'm so pleased for you, honestly... it's so, so good to be hearing about those who come away from this forum with changed, better lives... certainly gives the hope and inspiration i need to keep movitivated!

Wishing you all the very best.
Lisa.

Awesome, Veiled. I'm glad to hear you're doing so well. You've already started seeing the diff. since you stopped smoking...You'll probably feel even better as more time off/"detox" happens. That's what happened to mom when she stopped (after over 30 yrs of smoking!)

Good for you Veiled! It's tough when things get hairy and we have to learn to deal with them without the 'crutches' that we've alwaysed used. There are times when all I can think is 'If I had a pill or a cig, I'd feel so much better now'. Doing without is hard, but so much more satisfying to know that life is lived on our own terms.

I hope that your rough month goes better for you than it has for you before. And if a job is in your future...best of luck and a 'woo-hoo!' for you.

Lisa

I'm so happy to hear you are doing so well, Veiled. You have worked hard!

KUDOS!

Giving up the cigarettes is hard. I know I did it too! The thing that got me through the last few difficult hurdles was "that Smell". I smiled when I saw you entry about that

You deserve to be very proud of yourself. We are all very happy for you. Best of luck with anything you want for your future. Working in a zoo---I'm jealous

My prayers and blessings go with you. It has been a pleasure to have known you if only on line

As always, awesome! You've done good girl!

bec