I have tried to read about PTSD and understand this illness, so that I can better understand my wife, but no matter how much I read about it, I still dont understand her. We have seperated three times in the 2 years that we have been married. I always leave her when she gets to the point where she turns cold toward me, puts down for everything I do, puts down anything that im interested in, sees no good in me no matter how good I try to be toward her, no hugs, no affection, and she looks through me with a glare in her eyes.
When I leave, I see the sweet side of her that I fell in love with come back, because she will call me and appologize for the way she treated me, she will be nice to me for a while (this time it was only for 2 days, ive been back for two weeks) then she goes back to being a total bitch. I understand that people who suffer from PTSD have trouble being in a good mood, but is it an everyday thing for most of you? Do you always feel stressed and take it out on the people who love you the most?

From what I understand, if someone has PTSD and has bad days it is normally not as controlled as being nice when you are away and a bitch when you are present. I'm no expert but it sounds like emotional abuse to me...that is basing my comments on the information you have provided being one side of the story.

I feel stressed often and unfortunately the people I love most are most frequently around me so they probably see it more than others. However, I DO have a desire to control myself and when I feel things getting too much I warn my husband and try to do activities that change my mood back to good. If I get REALLY stressed out and he is feeling like he can handle me, he might come and tell me to just "let it all out" at which point I cry and scream for a bit but then I feel better. I guess what I'm trying to say is that yes, the people I love the most (and who love me) probably have it hardest, but because of that love we work together to improve the situation.

I hate to ask this, but could she be using PTSD as an excuse to get away with things she really knows better about? Like I asked in your other thread, could there be something other than PTSD at work here?

I have PTSD, I can get bitchy, but I certainly am responsible for my actions, and I know what I am doing the entire time.

I have asked myself this same question. My wifes mother is a very controlling person, but she wasnt abusive to her, just very strict. Her mother and father are both good people, I can tell from talking to them that they love her very much. Maybe she is spoiled, she grew up in a wealthy home, Her father is a retired surgeon, and her mother is the aire to a wealthy tobacco farmer. My wife never had to want for much. I love her parents myself, they are both very intellegent people, and I love talking with them, and listening to them.
Coming to this website, reading other peoples post, and having people like you to correspond with, has really helped me with my relationship with my wife. You all make me think, and understand more than what I could on my own. I think coming her has probably saved our marriage. I wish that I understood psychology more, so that I could better know how to handle a spoiled wife, because that could also be her problem along with her ptsd.

I'm glad this site has been a help to you; it certainly has taught me more about PTSD! It sounds like you're on the right track and continuing to gain insight in any way you can will help. If you want to understand psychology more you could try some counseling on your own or pick up a few books. You might look for something on personality or even one of those "improve your marriage" books. Some of the stuff in those is pretty generic but there are some occasional gems too.

I don't think she is using PTSD as an excuse to intentionally emotionally abuse... when you said no hugs, no affection, looking through you, cutting you down all the time: that makes me suspect she is trying (in her own mind) to disprove any reasons to be with you due to her inability to fully trust and rely upon you. You openly admit you don't understand, do you think your lack of understanding has put up the wall between you two? Or has something else done it?
Personally speaking, my live in boyfriend gets the same treatment at times. For me, when I feel alone, isolated, and misunderstood it is easier to let relationships/friendships go. It is a strain on me to emotionally invest in relationships when I've got regular stress on top of the anxiety. It is much too easy to just shut out others, or to be emotionally numb. One less thing to explain to a person who won't get it, one less component in life to assign focus. No more relationship stress.
Hypothetically speaking, maybe she apologizes because she knows her anger gets the best of her, but she's in a catch 22. Because you don't understand, another brick gets laid into the pre-existing wall and the isolation/alienation gets worse for her. She needs therapy, and the both of you need marital counseling.

I don't know how to ask this without seeming rude or condescending, but how do you know she has PTSD? Has she been diagnosed, or told you how or why she thinks she's developed it? While it is hard for me to control the way I feel during bad days, I know it's a shitty thing to use my mood as an excuse for treating my fiance like shit, especially when he's trying to help. There may be something else going on besides her PTSD. There's no excuse for what sounds like emotional abuse. I'd personally think it'd be best if you distanced yourself from her. Sometimes the best thing you can do is keep yourself healthy.

I agree with what's been said here already.

I know my symptoms have injured two men I've been with. I was being triggered by their unemployment and sitting around (my 'Dad' was always unemployed---made the woman do all the work----a real b**stard.) So my anxiety was out of control after awhile. I tried like heck to be supportive and understanding of them, but with work and taking care of what seemed like everything..........I must admit, I became abusive toward them, name calling, yelling................
I just couldn't take it anymore.

If she indeed does have PTSD..........are you a trigger for her in some way, no fault of your own? Worth finding out...........

i am living the same life but it has been for the past 5-6 years in a 13 year marriage. The days of non activity followed up with denial and then outbursts of anger take it's toll. I would certainly try marriage counseling and bringing up the PTSD to the counselor so it can be dealt with in a professional setting. I have also expressed my concerns to my in-laws in a non offensive, loving way (not easy). Actually i picked my father in law because he is more rational. Opening a dialouge with one of her family members who has an understading has been helpful to me. It might be worth contemplating.