My Wife has PTSD. I have read a lot about PTSD and I have tried to understand this illness, but no matter how much I read, I still cant begin to understand her, and why she is so abusive toward me.
We have been married almost 3 years now (it will be 3 years in October) We have seperated 3 times since we got married.
She was very sweet toward me when we first got married, but over time she has become a bitch, we dont have any kids together thank God. She dont like kids, and I love kids.
She always seems to look for the worst in me, she puts me down, and gets angry with me over simple little things like putting chewing gum in an ashtray. Anything that im interested in is stupid to her, she has to have control of our finances, she has to have control of everything.
I miss the sweet girl that I married, and Im seeing less and less of that sweet girl. She dont hug me anymore or tell me that she loves me, she just wants to smoke pot and watch T.V. and dont you dare turn the channel, she really gets upset.
Everytime we have split up, it has been me who decided to leave her, because I get tired of the abuse, but she will call me, and appologize, I get to hear her sweet side again, I fall in love with her again, then im back in the same miserable situation as before. I have tried to get her to go to counceling, but she tells me she dont want to go to see her councelor because she is affraid that her councelor will tell her to divorce me because she is in a relationship that is unhealthy. I dont believe her though. I am good to her and treat her better than any man ever has.
I just want to know. Does everyone who suffers from PTSD become abusive toward their spouse? I understand that People who suffer from PTSD have trouble being happy, or have mood swings, and I can deal with that, but I cant deal with being treated like a dog all of the time.
I have warned my wife everytime before I have left that Im tired of the way she treats me, and if she doesnt try to get help then I want a divorce, but she just tells me to leave then. I dont know what to do to help her anymore, I just know that I have been pushed to the point that when I leave this time, I will make it so she will not be able to contact me, and she will never see me again. I dont want to do her that way. I love her, but I will not be abused anymore.

It sounds to me like she has uncontrolled, untreated PTSD. Yes, PTSD sufferers can be abusive. However, the carer can, IF YOU CHOOSE TO STAY, set boundaries. You can decide what you will tolerate and draw a line.

My DH, though, is very affectionate and good to me. He has difficult times, but I cannot say any of the things you say about your wife: my DH is very affectionate. I would wonder if the affection disappeared for years at a time if there was still any love.

If you stay, you MUST decide what you can tolerate and what you will NOT tolerate. Then tell her when she is having one of her good days. Tell her that you love her, but in order to keep your relationship, you must protect yourself. Therefore, the next time she does X, you will leave the house for several hours until she calms down. That's an example from my situation. You'll need to adapt it for your own, of course.

Set boundaries. Be firm about enforcing them. Be loving about enforcing them too, so that your spouse is clear that you love her. See if things improve.

Too, if it comes down to a separation, you might insist as a condition of getting back together that she go with you for marriage counseling. And find a counselor with expertise in PTSD.

Good luck,

Cowgirl

You might consider that there might be something other than PTSD or something in addition to PTSD going on here. Does your wife know she has a problem? Does she know she is hurting the relationship? If so, does she want to fix it?

I have PTSD and I can get into quite the foul mood but I still know that I don't want to hurt my husband. When I see that I have caused him pain I feel very poorly and we talk about it. He is one of my driving forces to get better because I love him so much and I REFUSE to let PTSD get in the way of what I have with him. Yes, it takes work, but it CAN work and nobody has to take any abuse.

A marriage requires effort on the part of both people. If she isn't making an effort then you might ask yourself why she wants the marriage. Is it for the right reasons? There are some hard questions but at some point you will have to answer them together in order to move forwards and be able to agree on some boundaries and other things like Cowgirl mentioned.