Hello,

I've joined this group to, hopefully, find some people a little further along in the healing process than I am. I'm healing from childhood sexual abuse and just started in January (therapy, that is). I feel like I'm going crazy or something, or rather, I have gone crazy.

What is normal for other people in my situation? I'd been having flashbacks every night, sometimes all night, for weeks and then it stopped for ten days. A couple of days ago I had the same thing happen, flashbacks all night, but last night and the night before were better. I don't know if I am going backwards or forwards, I don't know what to expect.

I've been feeling worthless and guilty which leads to suicidal thoughts, however, I would not commit suicide.

I feel like I'm so easily triggered right now, and I want to know that it's going to get better but I feel like things are going back to where they were a couple weeks ago.

What's normal? What should I expect? Is it possible to heal from this or will I always have the need for therapy and a handful of medications?

That's all for now.

Thanks...and nice to meet people.

HI Secret,

I suggest that you read everything that you can on this site. Therapy will make you a whole lot worse if you are talking about your trauma/emotions/feelings. So this could be why you are feeling so awful. Good thing is....That means it's working. You need to talk about it, all of it, over and over....

You will always have PTSD. It can not be cured, but you won't always have the symptoms at this level. Learning new coping skills, therapy, maybe meds will all help you to be able to function on a healthier level.

Welcome to the forum.

Hi,
I haven't been able to get by for long without medications. But it seems to me that dealing with the memories is a little like being sick with a stomach "flu." I feel sick with the memories and have to struggle to process them. After a period when its been really bad, I regroup and feel quite a bit better for a while, like after being sick the nausea abates for a while. Over time a person can make real progress as some issues are resolved.

Dear Secret,

Welcome! At first, tackling all the aspects seems daunting, it's very overwhelming, all the thoughts and the feelings. You begin to realise what is reality and what was foisted upon you skewed your thinking for so long and you are now relearning HOW to think without THAT particular filter. Like She Cat said, you will always have PTSD, but there IS life after that can be fulfilling and so much better. You are early on in your recovery and you will certainly have your bad days but thank goodness you are getting help. That right there is the best thing you ever did for yourself. Understanding how trauma works is an education in itself. Persistent effort, never giving up or giving in, these are your most valuable weapons. I wish you the very best on your journey, it's a trip that is well worth the effort.

Many kind regards, map9