I watched a tv show last night...hosted by Jane Pauley.

I found some of the quotes and info very beneficial and thought provoking and I thought I would share some of what I had learned.

I know many of us feel...I just don't feel right!!!! Many of our friends or relatives..if asked would recognize the change. Deep feelings...worthless, hopeless, vulnerable......I have felt this for so many years....recognizing it when you are so used to it is very hard but recognizing that we don't have to continue to live this way.....asking for help is the only way to crawl out of the hole of despair we often feel.

It is not our fault!!!!! Genetics plays a large role...about 1/3 and if it is on both sides of your family you are double whammied. The environment that you live in, exposure to trauma, stressful life circumstances, drugs also play a big role.

Depression is a medical disease (PTSD), it also has biologic causes and alters the chemicals in our brains...specific areas of our brains are affected and do not work properly.

As a person living with this illness, we need to recognize the seriousness...this affects the biology and can cause so many other diseases.
It is life threatening. "I" NEED TO RECOGNIZE how serious this is to my physical and emotional self.

First.......I need to accept this as an illness, like cancer or heart disease. Using substances will just make things worse. Asking for help is a must at this point. My physical complaints and moods has just not gotten better...even with all of the talk therapy that I have had.

Caring for ourselves with the depression aspect of PTSD is going to be a long journey...I need to have compliance, substance abuse treatment and above all HOPE.

I think I may need an antidepressant....I need to give in to this...if I had diabetes...I would take insulin. I have a disease that alters the chemicals in my brain...sometimes talk therapy is just not enough. I need to know that I don't have to feel this way.

The efficacy of talk therapy alone, CBT does work for some as the only treatment...some can do it without meds others cannot. The doctor wrote that I had dysthymia......chronic periods of feeling down...I never thought it was that bad, until i had my breakdown...5 years ago now. This is and can be debilitating and for me it certainly has been. Also, living with abuse, dealing with chronic pain and limited mobility, along with a child with autism and tourettes are also making my progress slower and i need to recognize that this is not my fault, I did not choose to live this way. Now.....I am finally wrapping my brain around this aspect of my PTSD and now that my physical health, at 36 is really not well....I need to deal with this now and I am scared of what I may find out. It is an illness and I NEED TO REACH OUT!

Many of us here have altruism...helping others and that makes us and helps us to feel better. I worked as a nurse and I think it helped to keep my symptoms tolerable until I could just not take anymore.. I need to be proud of myself for recognizing I have a problem and i am working on it, this is NOT my fault, I have a medical illness. I need to have a sense of hope in order to feel a sense of accomplishment!

I need to realize that I need support! I would recommend cancer support groups when i was doing palliative care.....these conditions are just as severe so I need to join something, get out, be more active and do "something" I actually have been doing these things so I need to give myself a break because my need/want to get better is not for lack of trying on my part. I don't know how I made it through the last couple of months. I recognized just how strong of a woman I have become.

I actually called the canadian mental health association today.....I am going to get support!!!! The intake worker was not there but I made the first call. This aspect of PTSD is treatable.

I asked myself....."Is there room for more joy in my life" Well....uuuuummmm yes, yes, yes. I will watch my son grow and achieve, i need to get healthier first...with what I can treat. I am doing a lot but I know I can do more...I don't want to be another tragedy in my life...or continue this in my sons life or have him suffer from depression. I don't know why this is making more sense to me now....alot of what I heard on the show....I have read, researched but for some reason this show came on last night at just the right time in my recovery process. This aspect IS treatable. I guess i needed another AHA moment. I needed someone or something to reinforce things to me to get through my very stubborn, independant brain.

The PBS show on Depression last night was great and really informative...they did mention PTSD briefly as well.

PBS usually repeats their shows, so I'm sure it will be on again if anybody missed it. They also apparently have it on DVD for sale too.

Pandora, that is great that you have a positive attitude toward this. Finding something positive will only help you feel better.

Tammy