I'm having a very hard time controlling my anger. I know that's part of having ptsd, but I want to control it and can't. I've tried so hard to think before I speak but when I get mad, it comes on so fast I don't have time to think about it. I write in a journal but obviously it doesn't help with my anger. I say very very mean things when I'm going off and have been violent at times, but it's mostly just my sharp tongue. I regret and apologize afterward because I feel so bad about it. I say alot of things that I don't really mean in the heat of the moment and after I'm calmed down, I apologize and get depressed for days. I know my rapes have alot to do with my anger but I want to overcome the bad stuff I went through and live in the present. I'm so confused and need any advice I can get.

Hello and welcome. I'm pretty new myself but this is a great forum. Are you seeing a therapist or anyone to talk to about the anger issue? I have problems getting any sort of emotions so I can't really give any advice. Sorry. Hope someone else here can.

Sorry I didn't explain my situation. I was raped multiple times and beaten up pretty bad 3 times, (One time I had to have 37 xrays), the other was an exboyfriend who almost killed me by smothering me with a pillow). I have had ocd and anxiety since I was little. I'm 25 and happily married for over 3 years to the best husband in the world. He's always here for me and very understanding, supportive. Lately, for no reason I've been getting so mad at the drop of a hat and exploding on him and my parents. Certain things trigger my anger and flashbacks and then I go crazy. I don't want to and I'm not a bad person. I can be happy one minute, then find something to bitch about the next. I shake all the time. I cant trust anyone but my husband and parents. I have nightmares almost every other night and I wake up in cold sweats. I'm not seeing a therapist right now because the last time I went, they put me on all kinds of medication that I don't want to have to take do to the side effects. All it did before was screw me up and I am doing alot better with only taking zoloft. I get used to one and then they put me with someone else and I have to open up to new people and repeat everything so many times. I can go months and not have these outbursts but then one day my mood changes and I get numb for a month a few weeks. I cry so much over little things but I think crying helps get it out. Oh and my birthmother drank and did drugs up until I was almost born and the drs didn't think I was going to live. I was adopted at 3 months old by the best parents I could ever asked for. We are blood in our eyes and I'm very loved. I sent off for my birth records last year and found out alot of stuff that I wish I hadn't. Any advice on my crazy situation?

Hello October welcome.
I know I sure lost it earlier today I'll probably be writing about it tomorrow. So mad I hope I can get some sleep tonight.