hi
my husband got injured in iraq march 2006. he has traumatic brain injury, ptsd and some other injuries. we have been married since august 2007 and our marriage is abt to break down. his ptsd is getting worse which he dont really get any help with cuz the doctors are sayin they dont know if it is the tbi or the ptsd thats gets worse. my husband ONLY got 50% disability from the military which i think is not enough. not even the ptsd is on his claim form the va which i think should b on plus also his other injuries.

he is blaiming everything on me it doesnt matter wat it is. he did put his hands on me twice but i looked over it and forgave him. we have been talkin abt getting a divorce since the beginnng of this year. i love him a lot and i wanna stay with him but if the marriage is gonna stay like it is right now ill have a break down.

i go to the appointments with him and used to go to the counsler with him till his counsler said he dont want me there with him. i cant get him outta da house, do things with me or with his friends. he mostly only sits in the computer room play video games and go to sleep. his mood change is getting worse. and he barly talks to me anymore.

well im only 21 y/o younger than the womans who have to deal with somethin like dat. but im on the point were im getting depressed cuz i dont find any help and also i dont see anythin that get better. im basically by myself cuz my family dont lives in the US. and im really tryin hard but its just breakin me down and depressing...

the war really changed my husband!!!!

Hi Anita,

You are stronger than you think. TBI is tricky without PTSD, both involve much change. All TBI's are experienced differently but there are some things that are somewhat common and predictable. You might benefit from learning about the stages of healing for individuals with TBI. Find a outside source such as a book, article, or spend time with a family member of a TBI victim who has lived through a similar experience to yours. This may be helpful.

I wish you and your husband well. Keep trying, asking questions, accepting help, and keep hope alive.

Tachiku

First, if he ever lays a hand on you again, you need to contact the police and a battered women's center in your area. There is NO EXCUSE for anyone to hit another person in anger. NONE. PTSD doesn't excuse it. TBI doesn't excuse it. Nothing excuses it.

People with PTSD and other disorders generally manage not to be physically violent at work (if they are able to work) because they can control themselves. Their ability to control themselves can extend to the home environment as well, but that means you have to set boundaries. The rest of the world has boundaries and consequences, and so they manage to restrain their anger outside the home. If they have boundaries and consequences for violence in the home, they can learn to control themselves there also.

The first boundary you must set is that you will not under any circumstances tolerate abuse. Let him know that if it ever happens again, he will go to jail. Then, if he gets abusive, follow through with consequences. Call the police. And seek help from a battered women's center. PERIOD.

It is very difficult that he has been treated so shabbily by the military. That is such a common problem. You may want to seek advice from an attorney who works in the area of military law.

Also, it may be that your husband could get on SSI as well. You would want to talk to an attorney who does Social Security disability law for that - and they generally work on a contingency fee basis, so that they don't charge anything up front to help clients.

Cowgirl

Anita - i can relate, a little bit, to your story. My (now ex) boyfriend was in Iraq during for 15 months and I definitely think it changed him as well - how could it not? that war is one gruesome experience going on over there, and those in battle have a long road of healing ahead. I'm so sorry to hear bout his TBI and PTSD. I'm curious - how/is was TBI diagnosed? I would like to learn more about that.
As far as the military taking care of him and you, that's definitely a sore subject for many people - the military is NOT taking very good care of the vets, but what's new.. this has been the story for years. Again, I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with that.

Question - are you getting counseling for yourself? I would suggest counseling but I personally prefer help outside the military, though the military does have some resources.
My guess is that if you are not seeking care for yourself you ought to think about it quite seriously. You deserve it as much as him and it will help you to make decisions and manage your life, and regarding the changes in your husband.

take care!
SK