Thanks everyone, your support means alot.

Right now I feel really a bit lost. Like I don't really fit in anywhere, but I still have hope that as I progress in therapy and dealing with the specifics of the traumas I will integrate back in. 2 weeks ago I wouldn't have thought that was possible, now I believe in the possibility.

Unfortunately I've experienced some light bleeding with the pregnancy, which is not a good sign, but still trying to remaining hopeful & as positive as I can.

Fingers and toes crossed that all goes well for you Awakening.

Awakening,

I will send prayers that all goes well with you and the pregnancy.... Hugs...

Lighting a candle and saying prayers....

Blessings,
Jet

Awakening, please keep us updated about the pregnancy. You're in my thoughts.

Best,
Rachel

Hi all, thanks for your support.

I went to the endocrinologist today (specifically about my endocrine disorder in relation to my pregnancy). I didn't realise she was also a GYN. So straightaway after hearing about bleeding she said lets do an ultrasound which she did then & there.

Everything looks normal, uterus, foetus, heart beating, placenta in good shape. Cannot see why I would be bleeding. So that was a reassuring for the moment at least.

However she wants me to be closely monitored with an ultrasound again next week and the week after. She says the next two weeks are crucial. Try and relax (no exercise, no intercourse, no lifting) - Relaxing, staying calm - easier said then done!

I've prayed frequently recently - I wonder if God gets annoyed saying "oh now she talks me to when she wants something!!!!" Fingers crossed.

Awakening, you're in my thoughts.

The Pregnancy
Well it's certainly been eventful, I've continued to have spotting including today and also a minor car accident. However today I also hit the 'magic' 12 week mark. But the spotting is still obviously a concern and a source of some anxiety. I've had 5 scans and all so far show a normal healthy developing fetus, so that's good news. I'm trying to stay as positive and calm as possible despite the uncertainty.

Mental Health
Got a copy of the psychiatrist report (if you can call it that). He doesn't feel that the flashbacks of the sexual abuse as a child should be given any more attention. He believes my memory of molestation at the dressing table is most likely an accurate memory but doesn't believe it's necessary to go digging for more.

He acknowledges the sexual assault at 18 and believes some of my symptoms come from this. The event that took place 2.5 years ago that wasn't traumatic but was very stressful and involved litigation, police etc was causing me the most symptoms and had triggered the stuff from 18.

However he refers to the stressful event as occuring a 'few weeks ago' rather the 2.5 years ago. Hmm. So then diagnoses me with an 'adjustment disorder'.

He goes onto say that he is concerned that at times I am highly dissociative and that I exhibit a number of worrying post traumatic symptoms that will need close supervision by my psychologist and that he wants to work closely with me and my psychologist on these symptoms, but at this stage does not want to diagnose me with a permanent psychiatric illness or psychopharmeticul drugs.

I asked my psychologist about this and she basically agrees about the high dissociation levels and the post traumatic symptoms and but also does not want to give a diagnosis of PTSD, because she does believe that I can over come the PTS without it turning into PTSD. She doesn't really agree with the other stuff so much (she thinks I should work on the SA as a child).

I'm not seeing the psychiatrist again as he was okay but didn't really feel like he was getting me. The psychologist does, and has experience in PTSD so I tend to trust her more.

HI Awakening,

I was thinking about you the other day, and I am glad that you posted an update.

Please take care of yourself during the rest of your pregnancy....I wish you well with it.

Keep working on your trauma, and emotions that surround it. PTS or PTSD you still need to be diligent with working through things.

Hang in there and please keep us updated now and then..

Best wishes for a happy and healthy baby......

I'm glad the pregnancy is continuing, and I hope everything settles down. I will keep you in my thoughts, Awakening!

I think it's good you're not returning to the psychiatrist, since you weren't comfortable with him. Keep seeing the psychologist and take things as they come, I think. What matters most is that you be able to manage the symptoms.