*awe stricken*

thank you

Hi Armywife,

I spoke with my wife last night as promised and after thinking it over for a while she said that her strength comes form a number of different areas.

1). Her faith in God.
2). Her faith in me and belief that inspite of my mental illness I am a good man.
3). Her knowledge that these episodes will pass. It will take time, but they have always passed for me.

We have been together for almost twenty years and my PTSD was with me(undiagnosed at that time) when we got together. We really had some hard times in those early years especially with my being emotionally numb and distant, and then the times when I'd get really depressed. However, somehow we made it through to today. There is much wisdom in the AA saying One day at a time. I think it really applies to so many areas like coping with PTSD.

I hope this helps.

Our prayers will be with you and your husband.

xxarmywifexx,
Your pain, confusion and fear are very strong and that would be the case for everyone in your shoes. I say this gently and respectfully as someone who has seen the long road ahead.... You and your husband need to have a skilled professional help you through this. Your husband is not the same man you married, but your marriage can still be good. He does not understand what has happened to his mind and neither do you, but you will- in time-with professional guidance. Your daughters will be confused and a bit scared because they won't understand either, but if handled properly they will learn deep compassion for those who suffer. Please know that I write this with the kindest of intentions.

Armywife,

I agree with Void as well, professional help is a good thing. Your husband might be worried about career implications if he is still in the service. Though there are sometimes career implications what it often comes down to is priorities. If he doesn't take care of the mental health piece his whole life will suffer, career, family, social life in general, etc. If he does get help, his career might slow down or stop. Sometimes it is as serious as a life or death decision.

You may want to try talking about that a bit with him if he is saying he can handle it.

void,
Your intentions are taken kindly. I do understand that we need to have a perfessional involved. I guess my only question would be about what kind do we seek (marriage, idividual). I spoken with him about going to marriage counciling and he simply said "what for, we love eachother and communicate well. Why do I want someone else opinion on what I do with my wife". That was the end of that. Its been a while since I asked him...
He does go to the VA to speak to someone...but he doens't like going to him, I think I might ask him if he needs to change.

Articboy1970,
Thanks you so much for talking to your wife. I will keep those things in my journal. And thank you both for prayers. I also wanted to tell you my husband got med-boarded about a year ago to date in fact. He is not longer interested in the Military in fact he is quite angry about his service time, his injuries...and the fact that he couldn't continue on to recieve a degree to live life as a civilian. Right now he is takes care our children and is a gardener...:) We have fresh tomatoes, snow peas, strawbarries, and peppers. It's all worth it in the end. :)

Where does one get strength? Good question.

I think the source of strength comes from within, but it has to be replenished. It is not something that you can constantly tap and never refill. You have to have things that FEED your spirit, that make you feel GOOD about life, that bring you joy, that rebuild YOU. Otherwise, you will soon be running on empty.

Everyone is different. So I am just going to say what works for me. You will, ultimately, have to find out what works for you.

Reiki. I perform Reiki on myself daily. I also give my DH Reiki. I find it to be very centering, very energizing, very calming, very healing.

Horses. I ride. I go out and just sit with them. Horses have a quality about them that refreshes my spirit - they always have. Hence, my nickname. ;)

Milking my goats. Seriously. The quiet of the shed, with her munching on the feed in the feeder, while I fall into a mesmerizing rhythm and the sound milk squirts going into the pan. It is very calming, very soothing, it is a time when my brain doesn't focus on the negative. It is, in a sense, a meditative few moments, done twice a day, on schedule. It is time away from drama, trauma, whatever might be going on, on one of those bad days.

Gardening. Nothing like a bit of hoeing to work out feelings of pent up frustration or anger. And realize that, though you bite your tongue (usually) if he vents at you, or you leave him to vent alone until he calms, that it would take a Mother Teresa to never get angry back. And anger needs some sort of expression, some sort of way to get back out. Anger turned inwards is depression. Anger turned outwards is venting (and often destructive). Anger used constructively gets things done. Let it out. USE it.

I also do other things that tend to put me in a meditative state: handspinning - there are few things more mesmerizing, more calming, than watching that bit of fluff in your hand spin and spin and spin to become yarn; knitting; weaving. The old crafts all seem to have a calming, meditative quality to them, for me.

Getting together with my girlfriends helps. Just being ME, getting a chance to talk about our lives, world events, ideas, thoughts, feelings. It is a needful thing, to have friends, to not be an island. We are social creatures. To expect a spouse to fulfill that entire need is not fair to any spouse, healthy or not. It is especially too great a burden for a spouse who has PTSD. Friendships will strengthen you and your relationship.

Those are just some of the things I do that help me. Perhaps that will get you to thinking about what you love to do that might help to rebuild YOU.

Hugs,

Cowgirl

Cowgirl,

Thanks so much for the suggestions. I will have to do some searching on what some of those things could be for me. I think my main thing that I can think of is getting together with my best friend. I miss her so much.

-xxarmywifexx

You're welcome, Armywife! And yes, I think you are right, that getting together with your friend might be helpful to you.

Hugs,

Cowgirl

It was so cute last night my DH gave me a Sudoku book and told me he thought I would enjoy the puzzle games. He was right. I did a few at work and I love them. He is such a sweetie

I'm starting the think he is coming around and seeing that I too struggle. I'm blessed.

xxarmywifexx, As to your question of what type of prof help to utilize, the most important thing is that the therapist has experience with and a current understanding of PTSD/trauma and how to treat it. Believe me (I have learned the hard way)that not all therapists are created equal and many out there do not "GET" PTSD. Cowgirl is very wise in what she suggested. We will watch your journey with care and hope. Please keep us posted! Void