I sure will void, you guys have become family in such a short time

So last night had to be the worst night ever in my marriage. My DH had a flat out melt-down. We had just come home from getting a movie and were getting the gurls to bed when he yells and tells me he needs help with something...so I put my youngest in her crib and tell me oldest to go to brush her teeth...and I rush to the kitchen. He begins to yell, about what I couldn't tell you really. He was all over the place. I tell him to clam down because I can hardly understand him. He takes a deep breathe and then asks me why it matters to me. He tells me we should just seperate because he is a not worth my time and love. I stay calm at this point, triing to not show he is completely knocking down all my walls. I remind him how much we love and need him around. He then goes on a long ranting and screaming at me...and I just disassociate...like I'm watching it on T.V. I'm so scared. He questions me why I love him so much if he doesn't do anything but give me grief. I tell him that he is putting words in my mouth. I never told him that he gives me grief. He states it doesn't matter and he wants me to tell him to leave and never to come back, that it would be better that way.

Am I right to assume that he wants no responsiblites? I realize that his pain clouds his mind to where he feels trapped on a daily basis. But why does push me away when all I do is love him and provide for our family?

I told him if he needed some space for a few days he is free to go. I also reminded him that I married him and I'm living my commitment and if he didn't like it the choice was his, not mine. From then on I was criing uncontrollably. I told him I wasn't going anywhere, he would be the one that would leave not me.

He ended up in his "quite" room for about 2 hours, where I'm not aloud. Which is fine we all need our space. By the time he came out I had cleaned the house and had my music going triing not to think about my own pain and how it made me feel that my husband wants to leave me because he thinks he is not worth anything. He just climbs in bed. I soon follow and start reading. After reading the same line 10 times I decide it was doing me no good that I should just talk to him. So I do. Tell him I don't understand the amount of pain he is in. That I want to help. He goes on to tell me about the poor service the V.A is giving him. How sad he is that he can't provide for our family...that I can't spend time with our children. He feels bad that he has robbed me of all this. I tell him its not his fault but he tells me it is and goes to bed.

How else do I tell him that it isn't his fault? I'm feeling lost and confused. The ups and downs are unbearable and its wearing on my body and mind. I'm so tired and depressed. I love him but I don't know what I should do. He is my soul-mate and it hurts so bad that I can't help him. he tries so hard to do what he has to do to fix his pain but we have no one else to turn to at this point.


He woke up this morning feeling better I think. We made up before work and all was well it seemed. We have good days and bad days as you can see. I'm just so tired. I need to refuel. Any words would be helpful. It just hurts so bad.

A double dose of hugs just for YOU xxxarmywifexxx You seem to be in that part/point where your own self needs lots of TLC, lots of love. At this moment, you just ask here for the encouragement. I really think that by being a member here, you are in fact doing exactly what your husband needs.
You are making yourself stronger. PTSD is a rotten thing to know, either as the sufferer, the spouse, the child, the friend.
But PTSD is in the world. You are in my world so all my love and hopes that YOU will do OK.

I am so sorry about your awful night. I won't try to tell you "I know how you feel" because I know each person's pain is individual; however, when I read your last post, it took me back to so many nights with my husband over the years. You described it so exactly and plainly...I felt like I could have written that. You even use the same word---"meltdown"---that my husband and I use.
I know it's frustrating: when a meltdown happens, it seems that there is no way to "make" your loved one see himself as the wonderful person you see when you look at him. Sometimes I think PTSD "acts" like a possessive abusive person: PTSD tells my husband lies about himself ("You're worthless," "You're a burden," etc.). Then the PTSD emotionally isolates him to prevent me from countering those negative lies with the truth ("You're important to me," "I want to be with you," etc.).
The post ArcticBoy wrote after talking to his wife reflects my experience in dealing with PTSD. Sometimes, when it's a really awful night, I just have to hang on for dear life and ride it out. It helps to be understanding toward yourself. Even if we're trying to be that stabilizing rock for our loved one, it certainly doesn't mean we're going to feel stable or rock-like. It doesn't mean we're not going to be crying. Sometimes all you can do is be there. We want so much to help. It would be easier if we could help. It takes an incredible amount of strength to be there with and for someone you love when you can't "fix it" or make it better. No wonder it's so exhausting a lot of times.
My thoughts and prayers are with you...I'm always glad to listen. Please take care as you are able.

Love,
Ace Ventura

Thank you all for all your support. Things have gotten better between us these last couple days. But I got sick a couple days ago. I was cold but running a fever and couldn't keep anything down and had a bad IBS attack...I think its due to all the stress. I think I'm making myself sick with worry. I tend to bottle things up to the point of sickness and its not good. It was bad I couldn't get myself out of bed and missed 2 days of work because of it. I'm going to go see a doctor and see if everything is okay. My tummy still hurts and all I've been eating is soup.

To be honest, I think I'm still feeling like he is going to leave me. I've had tons of abandonment in my life that was beyond my control. The more I think of it I can't decide if this is within my control...I'm just so confused . I know I can't make anyone stay...or can I? Uggg!!!!

Upside to the last melt-down (as if that were possible) ....he has been sleeping more. He asked me about our future and I mapped out what I thought we could accomplish "together" and I had him do the same. Made a few more V.A appointments, and our focus is to get referrals for a civilian network. It will be a long hall, but I'm willing if he is willing.

Thank you all again for the support I dont know what I would do without you all.

Dear Army Wife,
I'm glad that the last few days have been a little better (in some ways). I was concerned that with all the stress, your IBS would flare up again (and sounds like a bug on top of that, too!). It seems promising that you and your husband were able to map out some things for the future. I'm guessing that you're pretty worn out now, considering all that has happened the last few days. If you ever feel like sharing how things are going with the referrals and plans you and your husband have made, I'm always glad to hear how things are going. We're in Indiana too, so I might be familiar with some of the organizations and locations you're talking about.
I struggle with that issue of how much "control" I have over whether my husband ultimately stays or goes. It's not that I want to control him; I want him to do what is best for him. Still, I want him to make the decision, not his PTSD. I know that's not an answer...just another case of "You're not alone.".
Anyway, I was glad to see your post; as always, please take care as you can.

Ace