Rejection

Cecilia · #1 07-07-2008, 01:23 AM

Rejection is a major trigger for me. I have this need to feel accepted and to belong. Many times my feeling of rejection is misinterpreted, but even when the person has the best of intentions, I can't help but feel rejected and unwanted.

Last week I was asked to participate in a group at our church. I accepted and the person inviting me said they were having a meeting at someone's house and they would call me with the time and place. Then a few minutes later I received an email saying that more people had volunteered than was needed so I really should not have been invited. My heart sank and I felt rejected eventhough it was nothing that I really had planned on doing or even considered doing until I was asked.

Now I have plunged into a depression thinking they don't want me around at all. Has anyone else experienced this type of reaction?

hodge · #2 07-07-2008, 01:33 AM

Cecilia, I have borne the brunt of some rude, rejecting behavior from members of the church here. That's one reason I don't go there anymore.

Their actions toward you was atrocious. I think church is supposed to be a welcoming place, like a good home, and I've been a member of such churches (before I moved to another state). I think that even if there were too many volunteers, there's always room for people to be part of an activity. I think they were extremely rude, at the least.

I know this can be difficult, but do try to see this as saying more about this rude behavior than any rejection about you personally. I would add that if such behavior continues, you might want to do some church shopping.

Can you tell this subject is triggering for me, too? :)

She Cat · #3 07-07-2008, 02:06 AM

Rejection is one of my HUGEST triggers. I avoid, use avoidance, or any other thing I know to not be subjected to rejection. I admit to being a total whimp when it come to this issue. I will do ANYTHING to avoid being rejected. ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!

I have no words of wisdom. No advice. All I can say is I now how bad it is, and I feel for you.

I also find that people that claim to be do-gooders from the church are usually the biggest A-HOLES. I agree with Hodge, go church shopping!

blindspot · #4 07-07-2008, 08:05 AM

Cecelia, I really hope that you would be able to see what I wrote. But, anyway, Talk with the person who invited you and share how you feel. I have been told often than not that opening up to someone will allow them(you are in complete control of this) to understand you and get out of this deep pull of feeling rejected. I too hated rejection. I would perfere to do it my self, for most of my 42years on earth. But, the only thing that will happen is that someone will say no. I was already at that conclusion when I asked. I recommend that you share with the person who invited you what you feel, and see if she has more understanding of you, that will make you feel accepted, the opposite of rejection and help start to heal that area in your life.
Donna

Seeking_Nirvana · #5 07-07-2008, 08:36 AM

I'm sorry Cecilia. Maybe you should be assertive and ask them why they invited you and then dis-invited you. Make them talk to you and explain it (no e-mailing because this is the chicken's way out).

This will teach them a lesson in 'thinking' before acting. I get a dose of it all of the time LOL. Don't let them off the hook. I think what they did was rude. When they needed help you accepted selflessly, and then they tell you forget it? No, you really should consider calling them and telling them what they did was wrong. If they made a mistake and invited too many people how is that going to cause a problem? The more the merrier.

The point is they need to take responsibility for their actions and I think it will make you feel better when you stick up for yourself. You may even find out that it wasn't personal and you will feel much better.

Take care
Tammy

Sparky · #6 09-07-2008, 04:08 AM

Cecilia, I know how you feel and have not figured out what to do about it. Since feeling rejected triggers me I just don't risk it anymore. I stay to myself, which is not good for me either.

Tammy brought up a good solution when she posted about being assertive and asking why. This never occurred to me because when I feel rejected I regress and feel as I did when I was a child and was constantly rejected, I couldn't and did not know how to speak up then but I'm going to speak up now.

Sparky

Tammy I wanted to give you a star (I think that is what its called) when you find a post helpful, but it does not show up on my screen. Please do know that I appreciate your post.

Seeking_Nirvana · #7 09-07-2008, 10:16 AM

Hi Sparky, it's OK don't worry about it. I'm wondering if the reason you can't see the icons is because your in moderation?

I finally fixed my problem. I went to "ask" in Yahoo and someone explained how to fix it. I can see all the photos now.

Take care
Tammy

Cecilia · #8 09-07-2008, 10:26 AM

I am new to this church, so I don't really understand everything they do. Evidently the person that invited me did not realize that people had completed applications to become work in this outreach group. I did not complete an application and I will not complete an application unless a paycheck is attached.

I like volunteering here and there, but I don't have time or the resources to perform a job without pay. Me getting turned away is a blessing because once I got started I would have been wondering how to get out. It is definitely for the best.

However, the Pastor did point me to another group that I think would be fun. I told him I wasn't really looking for a group, but I may look into this one anyway. I would be more of a participating member than a volunteer under somebody else.

Moonshadow · #9 09-07-2008, 12:06 PM

I have a major fear of rejection. Probably, because I've been rejected so much.
I felt rejected by my mother (now I reject her).
I was rejected by numerous "friends", throughout my school years.
Most recently, I was rejected by my therapist.
I have a HUGE fear that my husband will get tired of my crap, and leave me.

blindspot · #10 10-07-2008, 08:12 AM

I am learning that I did no have the voice or opportunities to say no, state what I wanted like love and acceptance from my family. I was used and abused and discarded. I have decided not any more. When I feel rejected, i do not hide in a corner like my body is telling me to do. I keep facing my emotions and give myself a chance to do over. I feel rejected and it is extremely painful, but now i can stand up for myself and not take it. I deserve to be love, be part of something like everyone else!!!!!!!!!
I know now I am beautiful and kind and desire notice and my words matter and my no means no and my years means yes. And others can take notice if I want or need something!!!! Even if I make a fool of myself. I will longer suffer like I did as a child or adult. I deserve more than that.!!!!