I use to be a very strong woman during my days of denial drinking. I held a very good job and was very self sufficient. I was not afraid to ask for what I wanted or what I deserved. Or at least "I" thought so. Maybe I was just being a bitch, don't know, but !

But as the years have gone by I seem to have lost that ability---its an ability I like to refer to as "My Backbone". I have become very frightened, extremely meek, shy and accepting of the no response. I can not remember the last time I fought for something I wanted and could not have.

Companies walk all over me and I just accept it. I've lost money and merchandise because of this. Most of the time I have not even asked for what is rightly mine.

For some unknown reason, today, I am suddenly emailing companies and calling stores to retrieve what is rightfully mine. I am not being put off or push into the land of "Hold Please". I have actually shocked myself by this sudden change in strength. I have no idea where this "old me" has come from. I was always a person who thought "Hey, can't hurt to ask", but over the years, I have lost that ability.

I still need to figure out why I became a weak, meek mouse. Now that I have taken a break from my stronger self, I am getting a panic/anxiety attack and the deep breathing IS NOT HELPING ! ! ! ! !

Do the rest of you or at least some of you see yourselves in this? I am curious if you do?

Herc,
For the most part, I am pretty strong... able to be assertive in wants, needs, demands... yet there are times and situations where this illness makes me behave and feel "weak" and incapable of logic..

No advice here, just saying I understand.

Lily

Hello Grama-Herc,

I was just thinking about assertiveness today...that I don't believe that I'll ever be able to trust that I can "take care of myself" unless I develop assertiveness. It is very, very difficult for me - particularly in close relationships. I agonize over it.

But then, sometimes, this part of me comes to the fore that is no-nonsense, don't-take-crap-from-anyone - a bit more aggressive than healthily assertive.

I pendulum between the two, but am working on assertiveness training skills (which also seem to have a lot to do with boundaries for me).

Herc,

Assertiveness is being strong emotionally to take care of yourself, without being pushy, or bitchy. It's merely asking for what you need/want in a non threatening way.

The anxiety could be coming into play because it is again *NEW* to you. Even good things can cause us stress when we aren't used to it.

Just remember to be assertive without being threatening or pushy.....

Good job!!!!!!

Thanks guys. I am surprised at the absolute control I am showing with this new found strength. I am polite, but firm in what I am asking for. This new found strength is "NEW" to me as---She---said. It is unnerving me, but it does feel good to get this side of me back. It has been a long time since I've felt this sense of pride in myself. It does feel new! !

Congratulations Grama-Herc! It sounds very empowering, this new-found assertiveness. It gives me hope that I will also be able to become more assertive in my life.

Congrats again!

I had a sudden urge of what I use to be (independent, active, fixing things, and coming up with solutions, etc....) in Dec 07. It lasted 2 weeks. At the time I thought I was all better. Back to my old self. I do not know what happened, but my therapist said this was scientific proof that I am able to recover and that a point in my life will come when I am no longer surviving but living.

Now I am learning no copying skills like assertiveness and other strategies that I used to have , but somehow lost inside my brain.