I developed PTSD from being molested as a child. I don't remember a thing and I was in contact with the guy for months, so no one really knows what happened or the extent of it. Well, I do have one memory where he was pushing me on the swings and he would... totally grip the seat wrong when he pushed me back up in the air again. That was different from the incident reported to my parents. I've always had that memory.


Um, oh God. Just typing that up caused an actual flashback. I guess actually talking about it does stuff to you. I'm not supposed to remember anything. BUT I THINK NOW WOULD BE A GREAT TIME TO STOP WRITHING AROUND ON MY BED.


When I was little I really didn't understand what was going on. My parents took me into a therapist, I just remember that I like going and nodding throughout the whole session just so I could get candy at the end. Didn't get the restraining order either. *laughs* I'd go up and try to sit next to him and then he'd move away. He was under eighteen so I'm assuming he got away with a relatively light sentence. I developed PTSD around sixteen. I'm eighteen now.


This time of the year is my trigger time (I guess this subject's been debated around here about if they actually exist, but for some reason my mind gets extra screwed up around this time of the year. I don't know how it works) and I've been having breakthrough symptoms and strong self injury urges. To be specific on the last part, my mind wants to carve a spider web on my skin and then flame the whole thing. My smarter, but still somewhat stupid, solution is to wait and get a tattoo. It's a nice mental distraction to think about while I draw up various designs.


I also have bipolar disorder and a few other health problems along the lines of fibromyalgia and insulin resistance (this means I'm prediabetic). *grins* I guess some people would say I'm medicated out of my mind. But going in to see my doctor (who is absolutely wonderful) to deal with breakthrough symptoms would result in nothing. There's no point in medicating me just for this since I do fine normally on my meds. It's nice to find a place like this to discuss this. It's healing in a way. Friends generally don't want to hear anything dealing with my mental health/illnesses because it creeps them out and then I have to deal with all of the weird looks, etc. I actually lost a treasured friend when she found out about the time I was in the crazyhouse. That one really hurt. Ah, well.


*waves*

Hi, Remixingsouls...
Nice to have you here...thank you for your post!
Ace

I wish to welcome you here. You are right that exposing yourself to what happened by talking through it can be helpful. You will begin to desensitize to triggers a little at a time as you recognize them for what they are. You do not necessarily need to be medicated for dealing with these issues. I would recommend you do discuss things with your doctor. He may be able to recommend other options to you that could be helpful.

Welcome to the forum :)

Welcome! Is your desire to self-injure your minds way of showing you that you are repressing the memory of what happened to you? Memories of trauma and the pain that results from trauma will push its way to the surface somehow. I have repressed a ton of things and I am paying for it.

I hope you find peace!
void

welcome aboard cheers