My memory, especially my memory for vocabulary, is shot to hell. It has been since the PTSD. I kept telling myself that I'd give myself time and time and yet more time in order to try and not push too hard about this whole memory thing. I figured the more I worried and stressed the longer it would take for things to get back to what's acceptable to me.

Well this sure isn't acceptable! I have so much trouble remembering words. I wish I could just say that it was those large, $3 words that we only get to use occasionally. But it's gotten to the point that it's every day words, too. For example, I was talking to my youngest daughter and I was trying to remember and all I could get was 'You know…out front, green!' And she replied 'You mean the grass?' D'oh! Yes, I mean the grass!

It's like I know that the word is there, I can walk around it (mentally) and find words to describe whatever word I'm looking for…but grasping that one illusive word ain't happening. Yes, my stress levels make it worse. But when I'm feeling fine and just trying to have a conversation and then *boom*…a word that I need just stays out of reach-it frustrates the hell out of me. It's like there's this mental block that's just not going away. I think the worst part is that I know the word I'm looking for is there and I can almost reach it. Almost.

Lisa

Hi Lisa,

I know what you're going through with this...It happens to me a lot as well...as you say...it's right ther eat the tip of your tongue...but just can't reach it. I get so frustrated and when peple look at me with that puzzled look...you know...the one full of expectation and "hurry up and say it already"...it drives me nuts. Then I end up yelling...not fun. Anyway...just wanted to say you're not alone. I think you're right when you say that the more we get upset about it the worse it gets.

Lisa,

I lose words, thoughts and can't remember where I am supposed to be on a given day without looking at my calendar. 2 weeks ago I was at one of my houses and was trying to remember where I had to be the next Monday....... hahahhahhahahah For the life of me I could NOT remember. Took me 2 hours to finally be able to say OH yea that's where I am going....

I will be in the middle of a conversation and I just go BLANK!!!! I now just say to the person, Oh Shit!!!! I just went brain dead!!!! They usually fill in the word for me. We laugh and move on.

Yes it is frustrating. I used to think of myself as a person with a terrific memory. I could remember anything.....Phone numbers and dates were my best. Now without a list of numbers posted on my fridge, and my calender with important dates on it...Forget it!!!!! I can't remember jack shit....

I'm just glad that I knew how to program in all of my telephone #'s in my cell phone....

Boy, I'm glad to hear someone else talk about this. A little voice in my head keeps thinking "Alzheimer's"!----and that's one friggin word I wish I could forget!!!

Yesterday I was driving along the highway and noticing the fields that are getting harvested. One of them looked like it was in alfalfa and going to be hay for cows, and another was also hay but planted with.......corngold? coriander? calliope? calendars?

I turned my music up louder and tried to focus on that, wondering offhandedly if this is what early senility starts like.

Miles later I suddenly yelled "Clover!!!". Cripes.

This happens all the time, and almost every day. Since I used to be very articulate and loved to write, it is very distressing. The most frustrating (and alarming) times are when I go to correct one of the dogs (I only have three) and I can't remember its name, and call it by another dog's name. For several seconds I can't for the life of me remember that friggin dog's name.

Aaaaaaugh!

Rivergirl

You mean I'm not imagining that I forget simple words?!?! What a relief that I'm not alone. Well, not much of relief, since it's frustrating and embarrassing. I've been trying to train people to take over pieces of my job and it's tough when I can't remember the words.

Does anyone know if the memory improves over time? Or this another symptom I have to learn to live with?

Marlene,

YES, I feel your pain. I actually posted a thread on here a while back about this exact same thing. If I can find it, I will post the link. I absolutely believe my memory issues are a direct result of my traumas. And when I speak of memory issues - it's not related to traumatic events, but small, every day occurrences.

found it:

Memory & Time Issues, Past and Present

This is one of the most annoying things ever!

My brain used to be soooo sharp.....now it feels like a room stacked with disorganization and clutter. I can't seem to access important things - things I NEED to remember - and at the worst times I just totally blank out.

It's infuriating, unnerving, and just annoying......

Hi Lisa,

I know, ...i really do understand this all too frequent struggle also, to find some of the simplest of words, even to properly pronounce them for me; It can drive me batty and quickly increase my frustration level if and when I don't fully accept me.

...........It's got to be acceptable!

I know that when I accept myself as well as 'it' I fare better; though I don't necessarily approve. Eight yr. olds filling in words and completing sentences for me, yes I've appreciated, but it to makes some loud statements to me.

Statements being: My brain doesn't always work properly! I'm in distress! My memory is shot! Others know I need their assistance, in doing something as simple as speaking.

Just tonight I was telling FIL and his wife a story and while I was getting that look that RD was speaking of, I pushed through and then my husb. attempted to step in and finish the story for me, bc apparently I was slower at finding my words than expected. BTW, I didn't accept or let him take over the story, but did allow him to fill in the missing words. It's weird how others know, and don't seem to mind helping, when struggling this way.


I'm absolutely with you though, all the way with this:

Hey, I just thought of something. I have this cute little (seriously forgot what it's called, will go ask my husband, and be right back)

Oh' ya' he says it's a banner, ........Well I have one hanging in our LR. It has this adorable little teddy looking ahead, a bit sad, serious and totally puzzled looking and it reads:

"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."

I know, who the hell wants to hear: when we accept ourselves fully the way we are, we fare better. Or, "If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it." ...especially not, when we are frustrated and venting, but that's all I got ......

Sounds like a few of us here live with this ongoing challenge too, and quite frankly I agree with you, .....It is: ...A challenge. And, a challenging life we do lead. ----------------------------------------------
Just keep on Being You .. & Accepting, Lisa!
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Hope

I really like this, Hope. It's true. When things happen, we can be okay with them, or we can not be okay. They still happen, no matter how we feel about them.

That said, Lisa, I totally sympathize. I feel like I've gotten stupider since the PTSD has gotten worse. On the other hand, I used to spend a lot of energy remembering every little detail and trying to be perfect at everything. I was pretty boring, and didn't get much pleasure out of life. Being flawed makes me a little more exciting!

It seems that this is a fairly common thing. Again, glad I'm not alone. I wrote this on a day when my frustation levels had peaked and it helped me to get it out. It helped me more to read that it's not just me.

Like most here, I considered myself a pretty sharp cookie at one point. Yeah...that cookie has pretty well crumbled with PTSD. I understand intellectually that this changes in my brain are causing this. It still sucks canal water that when I'm speaking I sound like my brain has gone on vacation and left me behind. I guess this is especially hard for me because I've always worked hard for and valued my intelligence quite a lot. And this has taken something away from me and I don't know if I can get it back or if it's even obtainable.

Rivergirl...OMG, this is me to a 'T'! When I'm trying to remember and I know the first letter, it's like I see this big, huge letter as a captial on white paper and that's it. And I stand there making the sound of this letter trying to get my brain to pop into gear.

Hope, I really like this and I really want to get to this point. There's been so much in my life that PTSD has changed. And there's been so much in my life that I've been able to develope a sense of humor about. Hell...it ain't going away. I might as well laugh. Beats crying hands down. This one (I HOPE!) will get there soon.

Lisa