I keep having difficulty with denial.

I'll be chugging along, accepting the PTSD, working with, and having compassion for, the symptoms.

Then, suddenly, I'm back in frozen mode and laboring under the grim despair of "What's wrong with me? Why can't I act right? Why am I numb? Why can't I feel?"

Does anyone else struggle with this? I was first diagnosed with PTSD years ago (refined to CPTSD several months ago), so it's not like this is a new idea!

Frustrated -
-Dylan

Yep - sometimes. During those times, I find myself asking those same questions you do, Dylan, and telling myself, "This is dumb, just get over it already!"

Hi Dylan,

You've hit it...I think a lot of us who have not yet worked through our traumas still have issues with this. On my bad days I get so mad at myself for still being this way. Then I also get into comparing traumas and telling myself that that I went through was nowhere near what many others have gone through...and that is not helpful...So this just shows me how much work I still have to do. I guess we just have to keep working on it...

Ptsd, huh. I'm not sure how to precisely respond. Either: Nope, I pretty much have integrated the whole idea of it. Or, occasionally denial tries to creep back in.

My confusion here is, not that I'm suffering denial of the existence of my Ptsd, as there is no doubt in my mind of this. However, what does creep in to try and slay my healing efforts and I, is my unwillingness to accept what I know is true (my ptsd). When I do not approve of such reality, I can revert to judging myself for relapse into some of the most severe ptsd symptoms, when these reoccur, ..as I find them totally unnacceptable to me.

Here is where I'm apt to think: I should be over all of this and Well ! and having left IT ALL behind me. Here is where I still hold false beliefs in relationship to my ptsd's severity. So I now figure, my correct response is: occasionally denials try to creep back in, as I do, at times, minimize in me this very real condition and only to suffer more as the result of my occasionally reoccurring:

▪ denials
▪ minimizations
▪ false beliefs
▪ struggles with acceptance.

Hope

I go through these same things occasionally. They tend to pop up very unexpectedly and are more powerful for their surprise.

I've found the biggest cause for denial is when something comes up that I used to be able to do well and now can only do with difficulty, if at all. That's when all of the above come into play for me.

I've never been one to accept limits. In the past a limit was just a challenge for me to overcome. And I usually blew them out of the water. Now...well, leaning to accept my limits (Thanks, PTSD!) has been a very bitter pill for me to swollow.

Lisa

Marlene, i have the same 'bitter pill' to swallow. What used to be second nature, simple things like planning a dinner party or remembering the groceries without a list or quickly typing up a business letter, now take forever - its like learning a whole new set of living skills. I wonder, will it always be like this? Will life always be such a challenge? Will I ever get back to being that really competent easy person again?

Just the opposite I am a little too forth coming with the info and tend to let myself isolate more now that I know. but then again I bet combat related ptsd is easier to come to terms with since it is more sociably acceptable and almost expected.

I have yet to start therapy - the first session starts a month from now. I think the fact that this is going so slow shows that either my symptoms are not uniformly recognized or my position as patient is less than adequate. I am one of the people unable to pay for psychiatric services and can't afford prescription medications so am probably not really being treated accurately. There is only one psychiatrist in this city and she is content on seeing me for 10 minutes once a month. I've been seen a total of 6 times by three separate doctors or therapists and there is no cohesion in the diagnosis. I guess I just remain in limbo in more ways than one.

Because I am highly functioning--I go to work and leading a "normal" routine--I often find myself trying to forget or to minimize the fact that I have PTSD. I have come to terms with the fact that I have been traumatized, but I still have a hard time accepting that I have PTSD and that it is not going to just go away.

When my symptoms are under "control" I sometimes ask myself if I really have ptsd then along come those wonderful symptoms and I go "oh yeah" that's right I do have ptsd!