i need help. my dad always tells that i'm making him die. he says that my uncle (his brother) who died of a stroke cause he wouldn't go to a doctor ever, died because of my cousin and my aunt arguing and causing him stress over the years. he always says to me that i'm killing him when something dont go his way and uses his health probs as an excuse to try to make it everyone elses fault, especially mine. high blood pressure runs in his family by the way. he lies to me and has for as long as i can remember and he gets mad and defensive when i dont believe what he says.

My husband and i were arguing yesterday and he said he was having a stroke so i said let me call the ambulance and he starts screaming no no no no outside where all the neighbors could hear. i'm adopted too and i say this cause no real parent would lie, and try to blame thier kid for thier own health probs. he use to take sides of my exes when i would get mad over them cheating on me and he knew this. he doesnt see or even think how he is is just plain wrong. he wont go to my therapist w/ me cause he says they are all full of crap and dont know anything. everytime something is wrong he says its my ocd or ptsd. i've had these probs w/ him since i was young so how can he say it's always something other than what it is? he thinks i cant read his body language or know when hes being a smart ass, but he taught me body language along time ago.

I cant take this crap. his parents would never do this to him but he thinks it's okay to do it to me. he tries to control me even though i'm 26 and happily married (we have to live here for now to help w/ my disabled aunt whom my dad smacks in the face almost everyday because she does what she's told not to do, she's epileptic). but even if we did move, like all the other times, he'd be at our house everyday. he use to come over and bang on the walls if i didnt answer the phone. he is in complete denial and i feel more betrayed by him than people who have hurt me in the past cause he's my dad. i wanna show him your responses so please help me out.

Why do you bother with him if he is so abusive, manipulative and harmful to your recovery?????

You should really ask yourself these questions and then make a decision. You can either put up with his shit and stay where you are in recovery, get the hell away from him, or put down some pretty strong boundaries on yourself and him when dealing with him.

This isn't really about your father it's about you and what you are willing to put up with, and how much you want to get healthy.

You can't control your father, you can only control YOU and YOUR behavior.... Your father will either stay as he is, or he will change.

how do u edit posts already published? it doesnt say edit beside it.

October903 you only have a few minutes after you have posted in which you can see and use the edit feature on your own post. What do you need to edit.

If you don't mind, please try and use some paragraph spacing in the future as it makes it easier to read what you have written. Thanks.

It is your choice to stay in his presence or not. You can't change his behavior, but you can make choices for yourself. What are you going to do now? Have you contacted adult services to report him as physically abusing another adult, who is possibly disabled? Has the woman he hits reported him to the police for assault? Have you decided to cut this abusinve person out of your life yet? What are you waiting for?

I agree with She Cat. Why are you keeping him in your life is he is so abusivie twords you?

I cut my adoptive parents out of my life because they were so toxic. Having toxic people in your life doesn't do you any good. Let him know your boundries and if he can't respect them for what they are inform him that you are going to have to end the relationship. I struggled for years about this myself. Thinking to myself daily about the fact that I was adopted and what a "gift" that was. Fact is...every child should have a loving home. Don't feel guilty if he chooses not to respect your space and rules for the relationship you want.

So recap:

1. Think about what you want in your relationship with your father. Think about guildlines in the relationship, things you will not except such as abuse (if it helps write it down).
2. Then explain these guildlines with your father and be firm.
3. Leave the ball in his court. From then on its up to him if he is going to give you the respect and space in the relationship. Your still leaving the door open and giving him room to grow within the guildlines you have set.

If he chooses to not have anything to do with it...well its his choice. You have taken the right steps to try to "save" the relationship. You SHOULDN'T have to sacrafice yourself for this relationship. It isn't right or healthy. Take care of yourself...cause if you don't ...who will?

You are in my thoughts

-xxarmywifexx

Side note:....about the physical abuse...that should be reported. If not by her because maybe she doesn't know any better but maybe you should contact someone about that. Especially if she is in your care.

this is october903, i couldnt get in my account so i had to make a new one. i'm sorry for giving you guys the wrong idea on my last letter. my dad has never been physically abusive toward me or anyone else. Trying to play on emotions is the only thing he does and other than that i grew up loved more than anyone i knew. i've aways been close to both my parents but when i was 15 or 16, i started fighting w/ them more and sneaking out and doing what teenagers did back then. my aunt isn't physically abused in anyway. she's been in a nursing home for for a few years now and i'm sorry i said anything untrue in my fit of rage. i dont like to admit that we live w/ my parents so i stupidly said we take care of my aunt.......i apologize and i'm embarrassed. my parents have always been here for me and yes everyone makes mistakes, but we have a good relationship that i treasure. everyone has problems and noones perfect. i'm sorry if i gave anyone the wrong idea.

Hi kitkat. I have asked Anthony to merge your accounts next time you are on. Just a quick question....how old are you? Thanks

I am worried that you changed your story because you felt guilty not because it wasn't true. There is a book called Toxic Parents that I have found helpful in recognizing and identifying abusive "toxic" behavior.

If I am wrong just forget about it. . . but if not. . . well it is really hard to break from people who are supposed to love us- tell us they do- and then act in ways that show otherwise.

I hope I'm wrong but for whatever reason I'm not so sure

Take Care

I'm so guilty of spinning things in my mind till they feel good and sound right. I hope this isn't the case for you. You are still in my thoughts.