when will I be able to read other peoples emotions. I was feeling stronger and for the first time since my children left home (4 days ago) I allowed myself to be alone with a male in my house.
I have know this person for 8 months and have never had a problem but today we decided to come around unannounced, and I let him in for a coffee. Things were going along OK and I was dealing with my issues about being alone when he came onto me.
I smelt his breath and he had been drinking although I could not see it in his behavior. Why didn't I see that this was going to happen? He said he had been waiting for me to live alone before he made his move. He forced me ( Oh i can;t even type this I am shaking so much)
I have been in the shower for 1/2 hour and can't get clean. I feel totally out of control, He was angry that I tried to stop him, will this never end. Eventually he left and I don't think I can do this again. You can never trust them.
I need to run away but I am dizzy from when he hit me. I WILL NEVER LEARN.I AM SO STUPID Please could someone reply to help me stay on track.
Robbed

First of all stop and take a breath...You are NOT stupid...this is NOT your fault. You did nothing wrong. Dude is a piece of garbage who made friends with you and waited for you to live alone so that he could take advantage of you.

Put the blame where it belongs...on him. Inviting someone in and having coffee with them does not give them the right to do whatever they want to you.

Did you call the police? Go to the hospital? Is there someone you can call or who can come stay with you. You should not be alone right now. If nothing else call a hotline and talk to someone.

Please do not run away...it will make things worse in the end. Running will not make this awful thing go away....

Take care

I haven't gone to the police, I can't. My best friend have gone overseas and my T is away. I can't get clean !! Its happening all over again and I can''t do this again.
Why did he think he had the right. He said he ring me when I have come to my senses. What did I do wrong?
I have locked all my doors and windows, I don't want anyone to know but i am scared.
Thank you for replying to my thread. I may not be able to keep in contact because I am going to go away. I can't stay here
Robbed

Robbed,

This is not your fault. Any shame or guily you have should be HIS shame, HIS guilt. You need to find a safe place. Is there anyone you can stay with? I also encourage you to go to the hospital. Even if you decide never to press charges, you want to be able to keep that option open. Also, your health is important. You're a nurse, so you know how important it is to get treatment ASAP. Please take care of yourself.

Nic i have taken my own swabs, I can't face my work collegues tonight . I have rung my gynaecologist and he has examined me. He came to my house to allow me the privacy I need.I can be grateful I know him from my work place. I have nowhere to go tonight. It's 11.30pm and the night has just started. I am not sure if I can do this. I can't get clean. I have had all the precautionary medicines and he has taken blood samples to test. WHat a mess !

Oh Robbed! I am so sad to hear of this.
to you from Void

This man is a predator as he said he has been waiting for you to live alone before he made his move. He planned a pre-meditated sexual assault and is therefore a criminal.

You did not deserve this or invite it in any way. He is a piece of shit and he deserves to suffer for what he has done.

He also has physically assaulted you by hitting you and the fact the you are or were dizzy may mean that you have a concussion. I have extensive training in neuro-science and urge you to seek medical attention regarding your head trauma.

I am proud of you for coming to the forum for support and hope that you will continue to keep the communication open. We are on your side. We are safe. We care. We will listen.

Hugs to from Void

Void the doctor I saw said he couldn't give me sedation because I had been hit. I think I will have a black eye tomorrow.
The dizziness is settling so long as I don't stand up too quickly. I know the signs of concussion and I will keep an look out for it.
I have made a promise to my gynaecologist that I will ring him if I start to have any other symptoms. He wanted me to go to Hospital but I can't let anyone see me yet.
Thanks for the words of advice. I feel numb, can't cry,can't get clean. I don't think I am strong enough to go through this again. Sorry for the glum words but I am finding it hard to be positive at the moment.
Thank you for your post
Robbed

Robbed, I am sorry to read of your situation.

Firstly, you cannot hold yourself responsible for another person's actions therefore you should not be blaming yourself for not judging this person better. He is the moron and you have nothing to feel bad about other than for what he did to you....gawd I hate men that take advantage of women and treat them like a piece of meat.

Secondly, well done for taking care of yourself and seeing your doctors. Smart lady!

Thirdly, I soooo wish I could say something to you to help you feel better. I am sorry you feel so dirty but that is totally understandable so don't pressure yourself about it right now as you may only stress yourself further.

Please take care and keep us up to date with how you are going.

Robbed, I am thinking about you and sending compassion to your side of the planet. Hugs to you!! We care about you! Please tell us how you are today.

Void

I have not been able to speak since it happened. I messaged Anthony and he told me to talk to a rape cousellor but I cannot say anything. The meds they are giving me as a precaution are making me sick. He came back last night andparked outside my house for 3 hours I couldn't ring the police because I can't speak. i was terrified. I feel like I am in remote control today, I don't feel anything, I don't know what to do next. My headache has gone but I have a black eye.( not too bad though). Thankyou for asking about me your messages are giving me encouragement and strength. I would like to disappear. Sorry for not being positive but I am doing my best.
Robbed