I Just Want It To Stop

allalonenow · #1 24-09-2008, 08:39 AM

I just wish it would stop. I want to be normal again. I go through day after day pretending to be okay and just wishing like hell he would have killed me. It takes all the energy I have to pretend that it's alright, but I do it anyway, and it's finally coming to a head. I just don't have the energy to do this any more. It's all I think about. Just the way she was murdered, the way things played out, the way it all happened, it's just too much for me to handle, and I don't know what to do at all. Therapy hasn't helped me, the meds made me stupid, alcohol nearly ruined my life-and all this has done nothing to help me deal with it. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up, it's on my mind all day, it's the last thing I think about before I go to sleep, and the nightmares are just...unbelievable.

I feel so lost. So lost, and I don't want to do this any more. I'm so afraid every day, all the time, and I just don't know what to do.

FlameTachiku · #2 25-09-2008, 12:36 AM

It is good to have you back with us not allalonenow.

I have wanted to hear from you on the forum.

Having a family member kill a family member is seriously deeply painful. I know this for a fact not just from listening to you.

It may seem that you have done everything possible to make it stop, you have not.

It is possible for the pain to lessen and it will.

Flame

morgan · #3 25-09-2008, 01:12 AM

I would like to recommend that you read Batgirls diary. You'll have to do a search on it but she has been through something similar and has come a long way in healing herself.
It might help you not feel so alone anymore.

Just a suggestion, Morgan

shiraz · #4 25-09-2008, 01:53 AM

... I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I am sending hugs and love and courage and deep wishes for peace. You are an amazing and valuable person who has so much to offer and so much value to give. You have lived through some terrible moments on this life journey and you have quite a challenge ahead to work through it. You can do it, you are strong enough and you will find the courage you need. This time of torment will pass, Flame is right, there are ways to move on and ways to feel better and ways to feel not-so-alone.

Hugs again.
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