Sirsir Diary

sirsir · #1 01-10-2008, 04:00 PM

Well I have written alot about myself in my introduction. Now I will continue with my daily events here.

WOW what a day. My partner today was worthless. I could not get her off of her behind. Therefore I did the work which I guess was not a totally bad deal because it got me out and walking. I had a staff that had a seizure today. We got her some help but I believe it was stress related because we are trying to fire her. I had another strange dream last night. If this keeps up I'm going to come off the new meds.. I got 8 hours of sleep but the dreams stick with me more than I want. Peace for now.

sirsir · #2 03-10-2008, 12:23 PM

What a busy day. I was tied down to a desk doing paper work. The government loves paper work. I did not lose my temper today. I even got a few laughs. Peace for now.

sirsir · #3 04-10-2008, 02:11 PM

I have been trying to contact my mental health provider at the VA for a week. She finally gets back with me today and tells me that My anger is masking my PTSD. Now I'm confused. I thought anger was part of PTSD. She is recommending some anger management before I start the PTSD treatment. Yes I get angry quickly but I am a control freak. Therefore I believe I manage my anger well. I have not killed anyone since the war. I am emotionally detached, therefore I am not into that touchy feely stuff. The provider gave me this opinion over the phone. I really dislike talking over the phone. I think the provider is scared of me and is just trying to pass me off to another quack. :think:

Nicolette · #4 04-10-2008, 04:31 PM

Hi Sirsir. I have moved your diary to the more relevant section of Diaries.

FlameTachiku · #5 04-10-2008, 04:35 PM

Sirsir,

I would consider the fact a different therapist would be best. This one is not clear on PTSD and could be less helpful than a different therapist. Why waste time with someone that is not going to help you get better?

Flame

sirsir · #6 05-10-2008, 01:34 PM

Thank you Nicolette for placing my thread in the correct spot.

Flame I agree that I need to seek a new therapist because I have lost faith in this one.

Well today I had a busy day. Most of my staff changed shifts last week so they are new to my routine. I will break them in properly but as we say they will have a few growing pains. I told them today to play it safe and ask question of they would be seeing a side of me they might not like. I love to teach because I want people to learn the correct way to do stuff(which of course is my way). Since I had my meds. increased a week ago I seem to be getting a little dizzy when I get out of bed. I'm ok getting out of chairs but the laying down and getting up is not the same.

sirsir · #7 07-10-2008, 12:03 PM

My Dr. just called me and asked me if I could go to stress management classes every Monday of November at 10 am. I told him sure I don't have a life. Then he asked me if I could attend anger management classes every wednesday. I told him sure I don't really need to keep my job. The VA is an hour drive away.

My day at work was very busy. We have a review this week therefore we had to pretty things up alittle. I am tired but it was entertaining. Tomorrow is another 10 hour day.

sirsir · #8 10-10-2008, 12:49 PM

I had to to shot for qualifications today. Ugh, I qualified but it took me 2 rounds of fire. I normally go out the day before qualification to numb myself so that I'm able to qualify. I'm a great shot. However the starle effect with other people firing around me still makes me jump. This mess up my shotting. I was all over the target for the first round just because I was trying to get my mind to make me stop jumping. The second round I fired on the target to the far right. This helped alittle because nobody was firing to the right of me. The range that I had to fire on was horrible. Well the good news is I don't have to shot in that enviroment again for a year.

sirsir · #9 12-10-2008, 08:43 AM

I got an increase in my meds. and even a beta blocker. I talked to the Dr. about the last Quack they had talk to me. She wrote in her notes that I did not have enough symtons for PTSD and that my anger was masking my PTSD. I had a pocket knife in my pocket and the Dr. called security to have it confisated. I always carry at least a knife if not my gun. I scared the last Quack. I made this Dr. nervous. I told this Dr. that they all need to read each others notes on me because I'm getting tired of repeating myself. The Dr. put me on a beta blocker to lower my blood pressure. I told her it was just high because I was ticked with the VA trying to pass the buck.

sirsir · #10 13-10-2008, 12:53 PM

Today I started work early at 6 am. I have been laughing all day and the stuff was not really funny. The stuff was normal. I think the meds. are finally kicking into play. I believe the treatment is for the birds but the meds. at least makes the day more entertaining. I work with a goofy partner. He is so self centered that it is fun to mess with his head. My staff kept things quiet with was a great break. I went for a 5 mile walk after work. My leg is killing because of the metal that is above my knee. However I have got to lose some wieght. It is hard to fight if you can not catch your breath. Age and lack of movement is finally caught up to me. Oh well I guess it's time to get up and suck up the pain.