This is actually a good point. I don't think its a matter of just being a closed book as such, its more about what we with PTSD suffer. Male, female, doesn't matter, anyone here with PTSD will generally say they are not talkative about their PTSD to spouses and family. The reason for that, is we actually don't want to burden those around us with what is going on inside. Whether you actually believe it or not, you probably don't want to know...

The other aspect is that when we do tell spouses or family, and mention the thoughts that are going on, ie. suicide, hurt, etc etc, then everyone tip toes around us and watches us, keeps asking if we're ok, etc etc... which really only makes things worse for us. This is a significant reason why we don't say anything, yet can say these exact things to one another, as talking to someone with PTSD, you don't get the same reaction. This is because we all feel similar emotions, thoughts and so forth, which don't need to be extended past what a few words needs to be said, nor does the person receiving the content jump up and down and make an issue out of it, as its really just our daily life.

The amount of times suicide and driving myself into a pole comes into my head within a day, people around me would be nuts, have no life, as they would be too busy watching me, when in actual fact, they are just thoughts, thoughts of which most can control to go no further than thoughts.

This is why we don't talk about PTSD with spouses and family.

Jen, you need to do a couple of things really to fix this for him.

1. If he's not on medication, ie. lexapro or similar, get him to a shrink and get him on it.
2. Get hold of VVCS, tell them he is suicidal, and they will handle everything from that point on to get him hospitalised, treated and rationally sane.
3. He will refuse, but sometimes you need to do what is in the best interest of him, as he doesn't clearly know what he is doing at this point. I know this, because I have been through it, ie. nervous breakdown and suicidal to the worst degree.
4. He must know that people can help him, and he mustn't deal with this alone during these bad stages.

Hi Anthony thank you for your reply.
Over the weekend he seems fairly tired and lethargic which I am keeping my eye on him.All he wants is a hug about every 5 mins :) still fairly emotional does not want to take any phone calls.
We see the shrink on Mon so hopefully he can get him on the right track with his medication.He takes a lot of medication for every reason under the sun.
Thanks Jen.

Jen,

I am sorry that things have gone this way for you. I agree with Anthony, your husband needs help but you also need support. At some stage he has to stand on his own two feet and take responsibility, YOU can't make him better. Hopefully the psych will be able to straighten things out a little - perhaps he needs to go to hospital to have a break. Let us know how things go and keep posting as you need to.

BIG hugs, I bet you feel really sad right now. My thoughts are with you.

Hi Kerri Anne thank you for those words of support it is nice to know that someone is there to talk to. Weird isnt it you bought a tear to my eye and I dont even know you. I know I have to get stronger because of this and to help him and be there for him but it is very trying.
Jen

Jen,

I am going to be blunt. What about you? Where do you fit in the scheme of things? Sure you married him, sure you have SOME responsibility for support to him but it is a two way street. If he wants your support he has to help himself and let me tell you, the psychs will support your husband but don't expect anything for yourself from them. You need to look after you first, help him get on his feet, direct him to help but look after you also. You have needs as he does. Who hugs you when he is being mean? Who do you talk to?

Your husband needs help without doubt but there are people more qualified than you, to give him the help that he needs right now. As much as I hate doing it, you've forced me to quote Dr Phil 'you can't give what you don't have'. Please take care of you, if you have been married for so long and worrying about your husband and children and everything else but Jen, where is Jen?

Bigger hugs and um 'trying' ? To put it bluntly, they can be a pain in the ass.

Hi Kerri Anne and Anthony my husband and I went and saw the shrink on Monday. My husband was quite sheepish and emotional there and he is being very apologetic towards me and my daughter. He is even cooking again The shrink has increased his lexapro and put him on to some other medication and wants to see him weekly for a while. Hopefully things are on the improve I said to him that I am never going through what happened last week again. The Doc also told him to cut back the hours that he goes into the business because I am quite capable of doing the work.
Thank you Jen

Good stuff Jen... a good outcome for all concerned. Now you need to start looking at getting him to attend the PTSD course, which all the details are contained within the PTSD National Courses announcement. Vet Affairs cover the cost, and he will be a knew man after learning everything there is to know about the ins and outs of PTSD and living with it.

Saying that though, he must also be stable enough to do it, ie. alcohol and substance use under control, etc etc. Do it... you won't regret it.

Thank you Anthony I will try and see how it goes he is starting to talk to a counsellor at CRS he said she was quite good to talk to. I am going to see a counsellor myself he was recommended by VCCS he talks to spouses which is what I need. Its JEN time if you know what I mean!

Yeah for you Jen!