Hi Kerri Anne I went for a game of golf today worried sick about my husband hoping he was ok for the day.
He seems to be walking around like a zombie at the moment it seems to be the medication he is on he seems really tired. He fell asleep in the car tonight outside work. I have left a message with the shrink the medication has relaxed him but a bit to much!!
So we have to get his dosage right hopefully.
Jen

Now, do you want me to tell you the actual reality of the situation Jen, or not? I will let you choose, as you seem to be suffering a bit at the moment.

I dont know Anthony all I know is it is problem after problem with him?
Surely I can try to have a bit of time out he even tells me to go and spend time with friends.
Jen

Sorry Anthony I didnt really answer your question I have broad shoulders throw it at me I am listening

Jen,

Yes, you are entitled to a little bit of 'you' time. You can't help your husband if you are unwell yourself. Good on you, golf is the thing, fresh air, exercise and a chat with the girls. Hard to wind down when you feel so anxious about them but you have to try and get past that. I know, I used to worry about Anthony all of the time and sometimes still do but it is in both our best interests if I get on with life. He used to get ticked off at me anyway if he suspected that I was just hanging around to keep an eye on him. Unwittingly, we can become babysitters for them if we are not careful. Best you can do is make sure he is alright when you leave the house, take a deep breath and go. They need supportive spouses, they already have a mum.

Your kids are grown, you contribute to the house via housework and the business and support your husband. You need to give YOU permission to have a break.

Sorry if I come across blunt Jen (it has rubbed off from my husband!!) but I just don't want to see you burnt out because your husband is ill. Everyone needs a break from time to time.

Hi Kerri Anne thank you for your support he seems really down at the moment he said this afternoon that he misses me when I am not around I said dont do that to me I need to have my own time he said he knows that. He seems to want to sleep all the time.
I might have a little breakthrough but he said today can I make an appointment for him to talk to someone at VVCS. I am going to make one ASAP.
Jen

Ok Jen, here it is.

This isn't going to get any easier for you anytime fast, as reliance on medication alone will do squat. Been there, done it, learnt my lesson. I'm not saying medication isn't useful, cause it really is. Your husband will not get better on only medication, whether the dosage is right or not. You husband needs to start learning about what the hell is going on inside him, and how to deal with those feelings. Generally, they come out of us as anger, rage and suicide; but in fact when you learn about what is happening, and why you take this medication, and this one, and that one, etc etc, you can actually fix most of it to a degree.

Your husband is never going to get better, nor make your life any easier only relying on medication. He needs to get into a support group, on here, out to VVCS and get all the information he can get his hands on, get into the PTSD Clinic in Heatley, and get as much as he can to read and possibly help himself.

You cannot help him. Only he can help himself. This is fact, not fiction. He needs to learn how to identify his triggers, what to do when they are triggered, how to keep anxiety and depression under control, control his anger through learning the real reasons and emotions that are being triggered within him, etc etc.

I thought it was all shit when I was really sick, just like your husband is, I have walked the same path, as most here and with PTSD have done / are still doing. It was only that my wife forced me to get help, pushed and pushed me to do the PTSD course and learn, that I am now at a much healthier stage in life again.

You will go crazy Jen trying to do things they way they are being done. Your husband needs a good wakeup call, told to pull his finger out, and if he wants your marriage to survive, then he needs to get serious help now, and that isn't in the form of doctors. The doctors just give medication and make sure your not going to hurt yourself. The counsellors at VVCS, support groups and forums contain the wealth of information.

You can print heaps of relevant content direct from the Australian Centre for PostTraumatic Mental Health. This is the 100% accurate stuff... print pieces out and read them too him, then make him read them, then make him research and learn about PTDS, anxiety, depression, anger, relationships, etc etc etc, until he gets himself better to a stage of semi-normal functionality again.

Medication is just a bandaid to the underlying problems. I see little difference between suppressing the problems with medication and suppressing them with dope or alcohol. You husband might need medication for the rest of his life, or he can get of his arse and learn how to fix himself, and be less reliant upon the stuff. Medication is not going to fix his anger, depression, anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, etc etc... I have been there, done it. People here are on medication, and still having the same problems. Its a bandaid, not a permanent solution. Knowledge is the key to PTSD, then practice that knowledge and apply it always. He needs to know, and he needs to be told, especially if you want your life to get any better for YOU!

Hi Anthony thank you for your reply I understand it as you said he has to get of his arse and do something. I will go and get some info from the clinic and shove it in his face.
Thanks Jen

Hey Jen,

Yep, sometimes they need a rocket and that's just what I gave Anthony, after all the fighting (etc) to get him to straighten his ways. Thank god he took himself off to VVCS and it has been a lot better for us since then. Even better after we did the PTSD course. I doubt that a relationship with someone with PTSD, will ever be uneventful but I guess the key is managing that so that both of you get something from the relationship. Otherwise, what is the point?

We struggle daily but it is getting easier for us. I guess we are getting into our own little groove with things. Mind you he has been a pain in the butt recently. Finally, I said to him this morning 'are you unwell Sweetheart?'. 'Yes, I've been unwell for a couple of days' - not that anyone could have guessed, cranky pants. Anyhow, like I said to him, he needs to tell me so that I can show some empathy for him and let him slack off a bit to ease his stress. Easier than growling at me!!

But communication takes the fun out of it all and stops you practicing your psychic powers!