Sarah,

I'm guessing that this is exactly his strategy. They will blame you for everything and I mean everything!! It is an excuse, he doesn't have to deal with his emotions and he can be angry (albeit for a bullshit reason) rather than angry at himself. The situation with his parents is of his own making and if he already distrusts you for it now, why not continue to accept their support. You have a right to support, as does he. Quite frankly I would continue seeing his parents but make sure he knows about it straight up front. Can't be accused of being decietful then.

As for him wanting to pull your lives apart.....dumb ass!! I too, on many occasions have struggled with why Anthony bothered having children with me if it was going to be such a struggle. He was in the clear right from the start, he knew I wanted children and that was what he accepted by taking me on. If he is so entrenched in his PTSD that he is stupid enough to break up your family without considering its impact. There is nothing that you can do. I also wouldn't rely on the fact that if you go he will wake up to himself, it is likely that he will just continue as he is.

As for him working hard. Do you ever sit on your butt and really relax? I doubt it. I imagine that you work just as hard. You take of yourself and let him deal with his sorry ass. Loving him won't change him. He has to get motivated himself. I hope you feel better today. Big hugs.

Cdunny,

This is the worst bit for me as well. After we completed the PTSD course (like a week later) Anthony started his crap again and told me that he was thinking of seperating. Couldn't have hit me harder........broke my heart. It was so much worse than ever before because we had Alexander, who was 9 or 10 months old, we had just gotten through this course on which I had supported him all the way and this was my thanks. My son has a real bond with his Daddy and that has to be a considersation for me in all that I do. I suspect that if it had only been me when he told me we were seperating, I would have gone without looking back. Its a two fold impact with children I guess, they have to be the first consideration as to whether you stay or go. In a number of ways they make you work harder to save a relationship than you might do under other circumstances.

When I re-read thru this topic...I really am thinking...is this me? Do I really let myself live like this...its so surreal...What a twisted mind my hubby has...what to do...

Wow, I just read that and went OMG is she quoting me?? LOL.

I said the EXACT same thing to my partner two months ago. I had a complete flip-out and refused to listen to anything he had to say. It was a most horrible time. Thankfully, he worked through it with me (actually waited patiently for me to apologize and ask him to ignore my break up with him, is more like it) and we are working through it. It took this for me to recognize that my trust issues are not because of his actions, rather because of my previous experiences and PTSD. It took almost a month of being split before I could see this though. We are talking more openly about it now and I think it actually helped in the long run. I can't imagine what I put the poor sod through!

The best part of it was his stubborness about it all. He just refused to accept me leaving. So hang with it.

Bec

Bec,

You could have quoted my husband. Many times on this forum you will see him refer to my stubborness about his leaving rubbish. He told me plenty of times in the past to go or that he was leaving, I used to respond to this by telling him that I loved him and that if he wanted to leave he could, but I wasn't going anywhere. Its hard to stay and hard to go you just have to do what is right for you.

Ackkk, I just realized what "hang with it" sounded like. (why does your brain shut off when sick??) That was not what I meant! Meaning do what is right for you, and hang with that..

Isn't it interesting how we all have similar stories? I've been noticing (since lurking your spouses thread) that the spouses all seem to have many of the same qualities just like we, with PTSD, have the same?

I'm still amazed at how all of you put up with all of us! (btw: Kerri-Annglad to hear your move went well, and slow down there!! )

Bec

Bec,

Defies logic doesn't it. Must be love, there is no other rational reason why we would stay for this journey. What makes it worse for me is that in a funny kind of a way, this shared journey has allowed/forced me to look at issues within myself which needed improvement and growth. Its undeniably hard sometimes and often you wish for peace or normalcy (whatever that is) but one thing you can say is that it is never boring!!

As for the move........thank god it is over. We have a nicer house and the rent is cheaper, figure that one out. As for babe on the way, I am trying to take it lot easier which is keeping Anthony off my case. In fact I have just woken up from a 3 hour nap - very unlike me!

Wow, what a terrible thing to say to the mother of your child... He has no right to say such verbally abusive things regardless to how much the PTSD is driving him crazy. Dayum girl, I'd be pissed!

I agree with what everyone else here is saying. It is a copout BS excuse. He needs to realize that his demons are going to follow him whether he's in a relationship or not, whether he stays or goes.

For you, however, if he wants to leave over you simply reaching out, it just might be the best thing for you. I certainly wouldn't want someone who would say such hateful things around me or my child. If or when he gets over the childishness, and if you feel right about it, then and only then consider if it's right to take him back. His PTSD is no excuse for abuse.

Much love, Sarah, I am so sorry you're going through this. I went through the exact same thing with my husband years ago, and to a small extent to this day. But he's well aware I won't take the crap. :fart-face

BIG hugs, we are here for you anytime,

Kells

Sarah

So I guess what I am trying to say is it could even happen to you. How would you like to be treated and misunderstood the way you are misunderstanding
PTSD and your husband ?

uhh "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder"
I honestly don't see how she's misunderstanding anything at all, nor do I see anything wrong with her reference to PTSD. I don't understand what you're saying at all, Scarlette.