I am so down I just can't seem to get my happy going. I just don't care if I wake up tomorrow. I sat parked at the edge of the river the other day and tried to think of a reason to not drive in. I figured some do-gooder would end up pulling me out and everything would be even worse. I have promised my sister I wouldn't do anything stupid so I live and suffer. Right now I think it is selfish of her for me to have to keep going because it would be easier for her. I stay alive for others. How long should one be expected to suffer and stay alive for someone else? My spouse is sleeping with someone else, I can't be employed, everything I ever felt passionate about is not impossible for me to do, arthritis, asthma, damaged joints, no hope, nothing to look forward to. This is less than existing. Is this sadness, isolation, hopelessness all I have to look forward to? I don't care about anything.